When I was 12 years old I turned my parents into DCFS. I don't regret it an am thinking about writing a book about it because I pretty much have been treated “different” by my parents and a few other family members since then. Which makes me more comfortable out in the “real world” then in my original family. I don't regret protecting my two younger siblings from being beaten. It was the right thing to do at the time. An when we where returned to our parents, my father specifically promised me hands wouldn't be laid on any of us ever again. He kept his word. None of us where beaten again.

But they both treated me different after that. Always have. An they both where assholes to me the remaining years I lived at home. I got rode hard, an put to work a lot. An when one of them would talk to me shitty, usually my mother: I'd end up on the phone with my grandmother, who would talk me through it saying: You just have X amount of years left. You'll be able to leave soon. An when I left at 18, I was pretty happy to do so.

Everything turned right.

It caused me to drop out my Senior year, but I returned. Finished working a part time job an finishing the two classes I had left to get my high school diploma. I was in love as well. The whole world just seemed right. Except when I would run into my parents. During that time they forbid me to see my siblings. Using them as some kind of leverage over me. An I worried about them after I left but it was also nice to just be a “normal” person. That didn't have to adult anymore then the people my own age.It was physiologically abusive. The whole five years following turning them into DCFS was. So I was pretty damn okay with being outcasted out of my own family.

I didn't have to play parent to them anymore. I wasn't worked to death anymore. I was so accustomed to having to work for every little ounce of approval for them: I about went into shock when my future mother in law, told me I didn't have to pay her rent or work a part time job to live with her. She told me, she just wanted me to do me. That it would be all right. Take the time, be a kid. Just work on getting over it. I have never been more grateful to another person in my life then in that moment.

And the following three years after that where magical to me.

Because the world out there, didn't treat me poorly. It welcomed me an the things I could do. So I've always been more comfortable out in the world, then with my original family. I did stay close to my grandmother though because she was my rock all through the nightmare years. I did slowly come around to speaking to my parents again, an try to mend what I could of those relationships. My dad did try to repair the relationship, through my grandmother. Offered me a cheap smaller apartment. Divorced my mother. My sister moved in with my grandmother, so didn't have to worry about her anymore. An I tried to talk it out with my mother on several occasions an get past it. I forgave because family is important to me. I wanted us all to get along but the being treated different never really did go away. I kinda gave up on that idea that it ever would.

I've kept my distance.

I showed up on holidays for my youngest sister an that was about it. I did what Patty suggested. I worked on me. The most sound advice I've ever gotten from anyone. I've always done better out in the real world, not associated with them. Until my dad bought that bar and tried to bring us all together again. I didn't have much to do with either of my parents. Working together again did go a long way to mending things broken between me and him. It was in an odd way a “coming home”. Using the skills I had learned while gone. He really didn't try to abuse me physiologically anymore. Appreciated what I could do ect.

But I do want to write a book about survivors of abuse. And how they are treated by the family after having the guts enough to confront a family member on it. More so now, then ever. Because after my grandmother died, an my father:

The attacks on me started again.

An this time, it I was being gaslite out in the real world.

Mostly so my younger sibling could get her hands on more of the estate then was hers. A big get even from my mother or any other family member that had a bone to pick about what happened back then. I was being outcast again. But truth is: I didn't care. I didn't want to be around that. Didn't want my children around it. An with them both gone wasn't going to be subjected to it any longer. Especially over Greed. Cause the truth is: I loved them. Not the things or the money I could acquire.

But I have been “orphaned” again, several times.

I've been attacked on the work front, the social scene, financially, as a mother. I've even been subjected to a mental hospital when I wasn't crazy but going through a breast cancer scare. Just about anything you could think of to discredit me out in the real world has been pulled. Lord knows I've tried to get along with “that side”. An it's sad, because my mother is old. I'd like to spend the last few years she has left in peace with her. But the truth is, she hasn't changed. An “that side” of the family that thinks it's okay to knock another down when they are at their weakest in the name of “helping” them isn't really a side I want to be involved with.

I love them, but I don't like them.

An I'm probably never going to if it means I have to put up with being less then I am to appease them. I don't have these problems out in the real world. Only them. Only when they become involved. It's why I moved into another career. Literally traveled out of the area to work because so much bullshit was been thrown around about me. My children can be involved with them if they want to. They are old enough to choose what they want to put up with. But I'm not going to subject myself to philological abuse because of them. I wish that side well, I hope they outgrow it. But I'm 50 years old an haven't seen much of it yet. An like always perfectly okay with keeping my distance to protect myself & embracing the world without them in it.

I'm just gonna do me =)

I think I want to write the book, just so my children understand me, my life and what I have gone through. Or so it can help others who are going through it, gone through it or trying to recover from it. So they know they are not alone. Even though when your experiencing it: It certainty does feel like it. Or that you will never get past it or over come it. You can, you will. I have. If you’ve had simlar experiences groups you might be interested in are: http://www.naasca.org/ http://www.ascasupport.org/




 

Why are photography studios closing nation wide? It's a good question, an a lot will blame it o the camera phone. I beg to differ looking back on the history of photography. In the 1970’s when the instant camera came out there was for a brief time of decline in using professional photographers. The industry bounced back from it. All it took was for customers to see, that their prints where not as good as a professionals portrait. The dyi instant camera became a way of documenting events in ones life. But people recognized a need for “nicer ones” on their walls an became willing to pay for them again.

The reasons studios are closing isn't the explosion of home picture takers, because they have been doing that since the 70s with instant cameras. In fact, the phone camera has renewed a interest in photography. The problem is, people are not printing them up if anything. They see the photo instantly. An what use to take a week or so to see how they turned out now takes seconds. An a lot of them aren't worth print price. People just aren't willing to pay to print everything anymore. Or should I say, more selective about what they print. An some of it is, just not having the money to and thinking they can wait . Print it up later. It will be there later on their phone or computer.

It's the illusion that the job is easy to do. People think anyone can do it. An there are a lot of people who do photography as a hobby believing it's an easy career route to get yourself into. Just listen to all the gurus online saying it is. It's not. It took 25 years of management experience for me to be hired to run a studio. I also had to have a portfolio showing my digital abilities an a proven track record of working well with children, families and the public. If I had not had that I would have been hired in at minimum wage, working part time for the privilege of even learning a little bit about the industry.

An that is one of the problems. The pay.

I have watched people with degrees in photography who are actually over qualified not be able to make living in the dying photography industry. Not because they where not good photographers but because they didn't have the necessary people skills to photograph people. They where either terrible with children, the elderly or families in general. Or simply too shy to take command of their audience. Part of a professional photographers job ends up being entertainer: clown. The photographer ended up with only the ability to photograph non-moving objects. So no matter how much she had learned in college about lighting an her camera: She wasn't qualified to be a entry level photographer.

Another example of why studios are closing related to pay is this: Even if the photographer develops the people skills to interact with them to get a photo session done: They may no matter how hard they try not be good at sales. I've watch people reject perfectly lovely portraits from a very good photographer because she simply didn't have the confidence to sit down an sell them. An even some of the best sales people who are great at photography can't make enough to justify staying in the job. They simply can't make enough on commission to live off of. The commission jobs don't pay enough even if you sell everything you did. An if they pay an hourly wage to do the job, it's just a little over minimum wage. Not enough to live on.

Photographers are making less then they ever have in these commercial retail jobs.

I had a very hard time finding qualified employees that would work at the wages offered. An the ones who did invest in a degree in it where usually pretty upset to find out they would make less then 30k, or 20K a year doing it. So between low hourly, salary or commission: retaining people to do the job is hard. The reason beyond low pay is why. So listen up if your think opening your open photography business is a good idea. It's why the studios are closing. It may seem fun: But it's a lot of work.

If your not in a studio, you have to travel a lot. Taking you away from your family. The hours can be crazy in or out of the studio. But traveling means, you have sometimes 14-18 hour days. Loading up all the photography equipment, even if you don't carry tons of it. It's a lot to throw up an tear down at each location. Usually adding 2 hours before an after you actually photograph anybody. You may have to get up at 3 AM, an not get home til after 6pm or even the next day. It could be days away from home. You got to love traveling. You’ve got to put wear an tear on your car. You have to be okay with not being home or seeing your family much. This alone burns out a lot of photographers.

It all sounds like a romantic, glamorous lifestyle until your doing it on next to nothing.

Your car breaks down, or you can't even afford to keep your phone on cause the pay is so poor ends the dream for most right there. But if that doesn't get you, the uninspiring 10 second snap shots of 30 to 300 kids in a row just might. In a lot of these jobs, your a school photographer that doesn't get much time with your subjects. An if you do take the time, your going to be rode by the company you work for. It's draining. An most really don't appreciate this type of photography to begin with. I got a lot of complaints from customers about pictures from these pop up studios not being as good as they should have been for the money. So even if you don't have to sell it, it can be pretty uninspiring hard routine. That's why many don't last in these jobs.

These companies ask too much from you, an give to little.

An the companies are barely making it themselves. Most are closing because people aren't willing to pay what it really cost for high quality. They lore them in with the promise of a quick cheap solution, an it's a mistake. The whole industry should have never gone that route. Customers feel like its a switch and bait. If they are going to pay for photography they want it to be high quality. An from my experience willing to pay if if you give them that. Since commercial studios are not making the profits they should, even by paying low wages they are going out of business. They simply can't afford to pay for high quality locations, photographers, mangers, the prints and keep the lights on.

It's really that simple. They aren't making a profit. And haven't been for some time.

But it's not the digital cameras fault. It just happens to coincide with a time when people are seeing low print cost an thinking going to a studio should be cheaper. People have access to high quality printers the industry has used the last 30-40 years. An think well, I can just do it myself. Or gee, it be easy to open my own studio. Then I'll make the big bucks!

It's not that simple. An don't buy the hype from all these photo gurus online telling you how easy it is. It's not. I've ran a studio during session, in some of the highest volume areas. Have got to work photography season in one of the busiest malls in America. So even if you are serious about opening your own studio, understand it's a lot of hard work. From October til January you are doing 15-40 photography sessions a day, in the right locations: It seems like good money to get into. But it's grueling work. I've had nights I didn't make it home til well past 2 in the morning trying to keep up with the demand. I personally thrived being that busy but never could have done that job when my children where younger. I had colleauges that had a lot of regrets about the amount of time it takes away from your family. They are long hard days, with a lot of pressure put on you to perform. An I haven't had one Christmas season go by where a customer didn't try to attack me or someone else in the studio. If you want a studio that's actually going to be profitable, an to be able to support yourself doing photography: You are talking about putting in 14-18 hour days for months on end.

One or two photo sessions a day or week won't support you. Unless your one of the best, that actually gets paid $3000 a session.
An that's highly unlikely to come anytime soon. It takes years or decades to build that kind of reputation as a photographer. It takes all year to build up that kinda of momentum for season even in the best locations. The locations that do make any kind of real money are expensive. So getting into doing photography and being successful at it is a lot more expensive then these gurus online would lead you to believe. Your going to need more then your camera & a set of lights.

When I trained people to do this job, I started off by telling them this: You have to learn to do and be at least five people at a time: A manager, a marketer, a sales person, a photographer, a digital artist an a sales person all rolled into one at the same time. Plus part clown to make it in family photography. Most people don't want to be six different people to get a job done. Let alone work a job like that for poor pay. An its why studios are closing nation wide.

The reward that once was there, isn't for most. Facebook likes don't pay the bills.

I've done over 5000 sessions. I was in the top 100 photographers nationwide out of over 5000 photographers. My studio ranked one of the best. I've won awards & prizes. I've sold $1100 canvases in five minutes but it took years of building my skills and reputation to be able to do that. Most of it was word of mouth about me and my ability not social media that made me successful. My portfolio & work didn't get seen online much unless it was after the fact. It was private viewings an sessions: actually doing that much work that made it possible to support myself doing photography. And I didn’t get “rich”.

I do not suggest a career in it to most.

It's a much harder lifestyle an learning curb then most want to involve themselves with. An if there was a lot of profit in it national studios wouldn't be closing. Or Sparse. Companies wouldn't be selling out to Shutterfly right now. Or taken over by another company. The whole industry is shifting right now an they can't figure out why?

It's because cheap just isn't cutting it anymore.

Quality photographers expect to be paid. Or they will just go out on their own an get paid.

Usually doing work that's a lot more inspiring then working for one of these companies that are folding paying so little. Myself, I'm getting into a lot more photography crossing over into digital art. It sells well, but it's also another hat I have to wear to continue to be successful in photography. Most getting into it today, doing shoot an burns aren't going to make it. It's looks easy, but it's not. It took 20 years to get where I've gotten with it, an even I am starting over. Adding new skills to stay competitive in this market. But I definitely believe it's cheapness & lack of quality that's killing the industry right now. Over saturation of these things leads to less demand. It’s not camera phones. It’s lack of quality.