A Good Conversation

So what's next? Organizing my artistic space I think. I don't have the room to operate the photography studio the way my home is set up. So, that's on the agenda. I've done hospital newborn photography the last year, an sorta become burnt out on it because I haven't been able to do the newborn portraits I've longed to do. With a newborn grandson on the way, that's going to change. So I'm thinking of rearranging space in my home an converting the front area into a full blown private photography studio. But kinda unsure, what I'm going to do with my stuff in the mean time.

Which has my grandmother on my mind. My father too.

See in order to do this, I'm probably going to have to get rid of something or put it in storage. An there is always a chance it can be ruined in storage. So it has me kinda going: Are you sure you want to do this? An making me think about them a lot.

It's a late century antique dining room set.

It was first my grandmothers, an later my dads. A lot of holiday dinners where eaten off this table. At hers for a very long time, then my dad's an some of the best holidays I had with my children at my old house: I raised them in. I won't sell it. Too many memories, plus it's gorgious.

But I'm kinda at a loss as to what to do with it.

Because I need that room for something else. I'd like to say this is a one time issue. But I've caught myself over the years constantly rearranging my living space so I can do art. An it seems like when I finally get it rearranged in a way I can actually do some work: All hell breaks loose an I end up moving things around again. So if you know this about yourself, your not quick to chuck the family heirloom.

I want it some place I know it'll be safe.

My daughter just bought a house, an I've even thought of giving it to her. But her house doesn't have a dinning room in it. It has a large kitchen but the three piece set wouldn't fit in it. My son is talking about moving off to college, an his place wont work for it either. An there's a part of me saying just leave it where it is, an give the house an it to the youngest. An stop moving things around.

But I need the space! Lol

An around an around she goes, where she stops nobody knows. Anyway, it's the issue right now. An finding another photography job part time, I'm not burnt out on. I've been doing photography almost ten years now. An the only thing that is getting me excited is the prospect of photo shooting my grandson in all the newborn posing I've wanted to do for a long time. I have the classic newborn, white glow poses I love so much, but there are others I'm exited to be able to do out of my home. An if you've read my stuff before: You'll know I get sick of white.

It's time to make room for growth!

But the table sure makes me miss my grandmother. To me, one of the most important things she owned was this table. An reminds me of so many holidays gathered around it with family. It reminds me of her cooking. Which she did all the time. It was her way of getting you to come spend some time with her. Then she'd catch up with you on everything going on in the family or you. I use to love spending time with this way. Even if it was her just cooking couple fired potatoes. I watch her, while she cooked and talked. An as much as she would go on about my dad talking her ear off, she was quiet the chatterbox herself. An I enjoyed these heart to hearts, that usually end with her talking you outside to see the latest in her garden. Or what she was working on out in the yard.

I miss having someone I could talk to.

Really talk to and trust. Conversation is one of my favorite things. A good one, is hard to find. She's been gone twelve years, an I don't talk much these days. Or it's rare. My children are too busy with their lives for it. They are usually in an out when they stop by. An I don't go out like I use to, an get into sporadic conversations with folks much anymore. My lifestyles changed a lot. I'm not in a retail environment like I use to be where I'd meet interesting people to have conversations with. An since AOL went away, so did a number of people I chit-chat back an forth with world wide.

An it was the table, an thinking of her that kinda made me realize just how important a good conversation is to me.

Truth is, it's why I don't get a long with certain folks either. Either they talk about others all through the convo, or lean towards weather conversations: Or frankly to busy to slow down an have heart to hearts, debates or too set in their beliefs to hold a good conversation. In fact more I thought about it, the more I kinda get why my grandmother and I where close. We enjoyed talking to one another. It wasn't unpleasant. An I know that's why I enjoyed my first husband an certain friends as well.

The ability to talk about anything, an not take it to personally.

So I'm missing her because there are so few that get me, or why I am the way I am. Other relatives take on it, just get on my nerves: Cause it's usually way of base. An I'm kinda laughing about that even now as I write this: Because she knew that, an would always go:

Why do you care what they think?

An I usually had to explain to her because lol I'm gonna get attacked by few of them thinking our relationships different then what you say. An she would be all: Well, who cares? I don't. LOL but she didn't have to live with their judgments: I have. But that's why I liked her so much: She didn't give a damn what others thought of her. She only cared about what she did of herself. It made her a great person to go an get advice from. Or talk over a issue you where having with. So, I'm missing her because good conversations are hard to come by. Or sorely lacking in my life right now. I just don't have that many “go to” people in my life anymore. Not that I ever needed a lot of them.

I've always found, I needed a sounding board.

One that actually had listening skills. A lot of folks don't, an there are even less of them that take the time to listen to children. An she did, an would. No matter how silly the topic the six year old brings up. She talk to you like you where having a full blown adult conversation. An this must be how I'm like my dad in some ways: He didn't talk talk to many either. An he would talk her head off. An I know her, she would him as well. Cause sometimes she did me.

I'd get off the phone with my ear aching. But I miss those phone calls. I miss her. So, moving the table to set up the studio right is a hard one for me. Not sure I will. Maybe I'll just get rid of the living room furniture I don't even like instead.

When’s the last time you had a good conversation?