Mission: My Fractal Art is about life. I wanted to demonstrate how we are like God, God is within us, so is Mother Nature & Father Time: The Universe. How “God” is “coded” into us: Mathematically, with sacred Geometry abstractly.

I wanted to try to convey my NDE artistically.


In 1992, I gave birth to my first child. It was over 72 hours of labor and I had a near death experience having her. She was born 9lbs 10oz after much struggle being stuck in my birth canal. I was in sever pain. I passed out an went into a “dark state”. The pain lifted, but all I could see was dark.


I thought to myself. This is it. The end.


For the pain had lifted. I was in a state of utter peace-- one no matter how hard I try to describe with words does not even begin to give it justice. I had never felt such an over whelming feeling of it before in my life. Nor since. I did not panic, I welcomed it. I thought to myself, now would probably be the time to ask for Jesus. So I did.


Then I saw what others have described as a white light off in the distance. I floated towards it. An thought out loud, with words but without them: Take me. I'm ready. The light grew larger an it was as if I was having a conversation with it. I asked it to take me, but please be sure my newborn was raised the way I would raise it.


I was instantly thrown back into my body.


Back into the intensity of pain, an soon gave birth to my daughter. But the moments I spent “talking to” what I can only describe as God, have been with me all my life. The time, seemed to stand still as I did, although it was probably only a at tops less then a minute. I walked away with a profound sense of “the other side”. An have been searching for a way since to describe what I felt an saw since artistically.


Nothing I have done, has ever seemed to give it the justness it deserves. Or conveys the peace felt. I am a very spiritual person now because of the experience but not overly religious. I do not preach or thump about people about God. Yet, as an artist feel I should try to express the experience creatively. I call what I witnessed God, another might not. So in my work I've tried to express different moods, feelings and sentiments every human experiences.


In 2009, I was contemplating returning to college at Rock Valley to finish up my associates degree. I only had two classes left to take: One of them Algebra which I hate, an have had to repeat more then once since high school. In fact, I was always the kid that would point out to the teachers: When the hell am I ever going to use this in “real” life. I just never saw me using it in art, or anything else for that matter. I was more of a ace at geometry. An it's always been my worse subject, an this time I had to do College level.


I wasn't sure I wanted to put myself through it just for a piece of paper.


So, I got on Google reviewing Algebra to refresh myself. Contemplating if I could even do it anymore. I happened across a Algebra software program. Decided to download it, to see if it could help me. I opened it up, ran it an blew my own mind basically: This was it! It was like jumping down a rabbits hole. I could not get enough of the visuals I saw.


Parts of it where very similar to the “light” I saw.


Described it visually perfectly. The sights within the program where that complex. I started taking screen shots of what I would find within the program. Then importing many into photoshop an enhancing them with light an color. Many of my pieces I worked on describe the experience perfectly. I was shocked and amazed Algebra / Geometry on a computer could show this in such detail. I continued to explore that program an others. “Seeing” things in the rendering it. Popping them out. Enhancing them. An coming up with beautiful abstracts found just like in nature. Asking others, what do you see?
An finding others would see several different images inside one.


Almost like a ink blotter test can.


So I shy'd away from telling folks what I see in one of my fractals, or what it means to me. An left it as you see what you see... just like any good abstraction does. I set a goal, of making a fractal a day for a year. Disciplined myself to do an share one a day. Entertaining others while teaching them about simple fractal art. An as my photoshop skills improved I started to get into more the more abstract art.


I had never liked abstract art in my life until I was introduced to fractals.


I feel in love with color again an the idea of conveying emotion differently then I had ever done before. I grew as a artist because I had a sound belief behind the art & symbolism of it an in it.


That it represented life.


I kept them a simple as you can complex abstraction but found that fractals are what we are made of. They are all though out nature. An like in nature, start out small and given time grow into something beautiful. Sacred Geometry is in our Oceans, Forest, Animals even us. It's what our universe looks like as well. Fractal art is very similar to what a brain can look like inside, our cells an even snap shots of space. An it's all based on mathematical code. Even DNA and light.


So while I'm still not a Algebra expert.


I've come to see it as a code within all things.
Its how “God” is in everything. Even us.


Only computes could produce that kind of mathematical scale to show it so clearly. An having been a computer geek for over 21 years, was elated to discover just how close they can replicate what is out in the real world. Of course I'm not the first to discover it. Pixar figured it out and bases a lot of realistic backgrounds in their animations. Fractal is used in computer gaming an all sorts of visual stuff these days. Fractal art is used to reproduce miniature worlds, with foliage, cliffs an realistic landscapes. An it looks so realistic because this is how mother nature creates it herself.


For me: It unlocked a key for showing what I experienced.


Not every piece is about my NDE, but a lot of them do have this theme of light in them for that reason. For me, it's like looking at what we experience everyday in another way. So we can appreciate what we have: Life an all the profound emotions we experience living it.


An how God is most creative artist there is. Think about it.
Just how beautiful life is.


That is the goal of my fractal art:
To get others to think about it.


Life's beauty.

Mission: Everyone Deserves A Outstanding Portrait Precious To Cherish Memories.


I believe precious moments should be cherished with a outstanding portraits worthy of print. That they should be hung in your home, on your walls & shared with friends and family.


In 2010, I took a management job as studio manager of a Picture Me! studio. I took a pay cut so I could combine my business management career with art. Yet, the other reason I took the job was because this was a belief I could get behind. To me having portraits done & taking family photo's is important.


For one, I grew up in a household that demonstrated this belief.


My mother, while not a professional photographer grasp the importance of documenting our lives. I think personally for me anyway, an several of my extended family it's importance rang home when my grandfather passed when I was four. He was not big on having his picture taken I don't think. But my aunt, had managed to get a hold of one of the only ones of him an had it cast in glass paper weight of sorts. They where given out at Christmas. An for me, being four years old not understanding death or his passing of a heart attack it was something I used to comfort myself with. I use to carry it around with me when I was missing him.


It helped with grief & sorrow.
Not just me, but all of us.


No, the portrait didn't replace him being with us: but I'm 50 years old an still can go to it an remember him. The babble (not sure what else to call it), even became a struggle between me & my dad. We would argue over who's it was. Of course it was a precious memory for both of us. So, I inherited it when he passed. I've owned a little & a lot over my life time: but it is my most prized possession.


It reminds me of him of course but of happier times in my childhood.


It reminds me of how much I was loved an he was. It reminds me to enjoy & live my life to it's fullest. My grandfather passed at age, 46 of a heart attack. They had been out square dancing the night before he passed. To me he looks a lot like James Dean: with the same tragic ending of dying too young. His portrait reminds me of him of course: but the lesson of not taking life for granted. We can go at anytime. That we should pack as much life into our lives as possible.


Enjoy the dance.
Or Seize the Day!


As my aunt likes to say: For we don't know how much time we have. An this is why I believe so much in the power of a photo. It not only captures a image of a person but can come to represent much more meaning then you ever thought it would when snapped. Its why I believe portraits are important. I was young when he passed. My image of him in my memory is not as clear as his portrait. An his life had value an meaning to me: That I want to remember crystal clear. Not only did it help with my grief, an others but it has given me strength to carry on in a way not many things could.


It can give you hope.


That things will get better, things have been better an will be again.


I have a portrait of me, my grandmother & my daughter. Three generations together. Proof of hope. That life does go on, an we will smile again. That while he may not be with us, he does live on through me an mine. His life mattered. Mine does an so do you an your loved ones. It's just not a belief to me. It's a fact. I cherish memories of those I love.


An portraits help us do so even more.


If you ever lost someone you loved, it's easy to understand. Not that any of us want to, but its a fact of life. At some point we pass an documenting our lives for those we leave behind is important. It's why it's so easy a belief for me to get behind an want to be a part of of. I enjoy, deep down to my soul helping families capture moments in their lives. Helping them document them in the best looking way as possible is deeply satisfying. Even if they don't even remember my name: I know that I helped them do something that will give them great rewards: Now & later.


Art is about deeply touching others.


Photography has been there for me: An I enjoy being there for others in the same way it has been for me. Sometimes we just don't have a clue just how beautiful we are or life is. As professional photographer I consider it my job—no mission: to remind you, your family & others. Just how very precious you are & life is. So you cherish it.


A good photographer will remind you.
Life is short, embrace it & enjoy it.


An while I think personal home snap shots are important. Documenting life: Having crystal clear, details oriented portraits done by a professional are as well. My father was the most anti camera person I think I've ever meet. An it bothers me, most of what photos we could get of him where usually grumpy get away from me facial expressions. The man actually had a great smile when you could get him to do it. I only have one professional portrait of him. Its clear, an it's his normal facial expression. I wish I had more then one. We should have hog-tied him and make him go more often to a professional. There are a few snap shots of him smiling: but they are blurry. I wish I had more of him that where sharp, clean and crystal clear vision of his life. Instead of one small 5x7 hanging on my wall.


He was important person in my life.
He deserves more space on that wall of life.


But when I look at it, I'm reminded of him in the most successful part of his life. That I too can be a successful, happy and confident. It reminds me of so many life lessons, an hardships over came to get where he was. It speaks volumes to me, even though he isn't here any longer to lecture me. One of the hardships our family faced was our family home burning down when I was around six. It caught fire, an they thought it was out. A few things where grabbed, then it burned down over night. We lost just about everything but the family photos. They where out of everything the most important things in the house, that could not be replaced.


Besides us & family memories.


Everything else, even my favorite stuffed donkey I had had since birth could be. Even today, I make back ups of my back ups of family photos: So if anything where to happen I still have the most important things that can't be replaced. I've even lost back ups of my artwork, but not the family photos. An when you ask most people what they would want out of their houses the most. Outside of making sure each family member got out alive: The family photos and portraits is going to be your answer. They just aren't something you can go back in time & redo.


They are valuable. Priceless.


They hold memories of times you can not get back. They show where we are now, an how far we have come. Time goes by in a blink of a eye: but they show our progress. Our determination. Our will. What our lives are about. What we valued. What we hold dear.


They say, what you photograph the most: Is what means the most to you.


Having thought I almost lost a uncle in a fire, I can't tell you how scarey that is. Or that it could have been any one of us, if the fire had not been caught in time to get us all out. It makes you cut out what you can live with & without really quick, an see what is most important.


I learned at a very early age. Life mattered. Family did.


So, getting behind the belief that portraits of those are important was easy. They've been important to my life. My families. I believe they are the most important things in life to be captured: Life itself. It's why I have continued to do children & family portraits so families have their memories captured in the best possible light. So they can cherish one another an remember with each how precious they are: An life is. It's something I know I can do that will be with you and yours in the best an worst of moments. It's an art that will always touch the deepest part of others.


An that's what the best art does.


So while I will always do other types of art, this is the one I do that I know benefits others the most. I consider it a privilege to be the one allowed to share those moments. I try to do my best to make it one of the most enjoyable interactive art moments of people's lives. Something one can participate in, remember fondly an enjoy for decades to come. I don't mind being part clown for others to have what I hold most dear. If I didn't cherish mine so much. I wouldn't expect others to. Yet, I do.


Portraits being important has just always been apart of my belief system.
So, it was easy to get behind them being important to others lives as well.
I just grew up where extreme situations happened that taught me just how important they can be. So I take them seriously. No matter how much I clown around to get that smile out of someone: I never forget the impact they have had in my own life. Or the one they will have in yours. It is a honor.

It's a life.

There is a art to life: It's a creation. Cherished Moments.
I don't know anything more important than life to do art of:

Life is the highest creativity there is.

I grew up on a farm, outside of a small town in Missouri in some ways they where the happiest years of my life, an the worst. Depending on which part of it I want to look at but the reason I'm writing this to tell my story. It's not actually here to complain or focus on all that was bad that happened to me. It's to examine where some of my beliefs came from, an reroute them. Because what you believe you become. Or can hold you back.


So I have had to look at some of those painful memories to see if they stuck.


An they didn't, an I'll tell you why they didn't. I had plenty around me that encouraged me to be my biggest brightest self. They invalidated the your unlovable aspect that could have stuck with me had I choose to believe my mother at age four. It just didn't stick.


I knew she was wrong.


An I believed that deep down all my life. I just buckled down on what I was good at. It started out as a way to stay out of trouble actually.


Art.


It became one of those household of been seen, not heard. Later in my life, I figured out I was kinda sound sensitive myself. Maybe because of it. But I enjoyed quiet as a child. Sitting at the table, drawing was enjoyable an it didn't set anyone off. I could be just what I was. A kid. An as long as I was “good” there was no drama in the house. So, although I was an active kid that enjoyed outside a lot: I learned from an early age to sit still. An focus on something else.


My dad came in one day, while I was sitting there drawing a tree.


An instilled something in me: That's great he said but then the criticism came: but can you draw something else besides a tree. I'm not sure he meant it critically either. He just saw I was stuck on one thing: Trees. He said, “Your trees good, but can you draw me a house?” I had never thought about drawing a house before. So, he sat down next to me an showed me how. He didn't do it for me. He instructed me to draw a box, then a triangle. He was working on my shapes with me.


That is how much I remember of my childhood.


Details like that. Who was actually teaching me things. He walked away, an I drew windows in it an he was pretty proud. An that's probably when I decided to become an artist because I've been doing art since as far back as I can remember, an being rewarded for it on a emotional level the more I improved.


“That's a nice house”


An he's the one that got me thinking, what else can a draw: An off I went with it. Next came the dog, the cows ect an it wasn't long after that, I saw Disney's “Alice in Wonderland” an got inspired. I sat and watched in awe cause it was all drawn. An they moved. Its really the first animated cartoon I saw. They weren't on at our house. We didn't have Sesame Street or any of that. It was a very rural area that only picked up three channels.


I wanted to know how they did that. I really did.


I was seeing how far drawing could take someone. So, I really became all about it. Plus, it kept me out of trouble. It was a winner to me! I'd still go outside and play with my dog, run but my time in doors became all about drawing and stories.


“Alice In Wonderland” was one of my first real novels I read.


An still, my favorite. My dad, use to sit on the couch an teach me my colors. We'd go through the whole box, while he'd show my infant sister as well. They where good memories. Anything associated with stories, learning or art where the best of memories. He'd watch Captain Kangroo with me before we would get dressed. He'd go over whatever lesson, he was teaching drinking coffee. Then we would get dressed, head over to my grandmothers to eat breakfast. I'd go hang out with Pappa.


So my childhood wasn't all bad.


It was after four that it got difficult an that is when my grandfather passed. That's when the tension happened. Looking back it's understandable as an adult. It was a huge loss for all of us. There was a lot of pressure on everyone. My dad, took over running the farm. My uncle moved in to finish high school. My grandmother moved up north to work to support the farm. An no one was in a good mood, most days. If not down right pissy, you'd say.


I myself didn't understand what happened.


I was four, an no one talked about it. He just disappeared. Poof! Gone.


An I remember having a conversation with my dad about what it.


What do you mean, he's in heaven?


Can't you call him? Tell him to come home?
You can call grandma, why can't you call him?


An I'm sure the conversation was difficult on my dad, cause I got pissed. An kept demanding someone call him. An at some point, my dad said well here: You talk to him an handed me the phone. He can hear you, he just can't answer you. He's with God.


Well who's God? An why won't he let Pappa talk?


So he called my grandmother instead. Here you talk to her for a while.
An that would take my mind off it I guess.


At some point, my dad wouldn't let hold the phone anymore like that. An told me I could talk to him without it. In my room. So I would. That was my introduction to God, Prayer an Spirit. Later, it when my grandmother returned from up North. She took me out on a drive and explained “Heaven” to me. I didn't much like the concept.


But I continued to draw.


It was the best way for me to be with everyone so upset. Quiet. The adults around me needed it. An I guess his passing made me grow up a little more serious then other kids. Shortly after that, my sister was born. An the dynamic in the house changed like it always does. I was no longer the center of attention, but that was okay. I kinda liked this idea of a child around. I've liked babies since I was a tot. Everyone kinda cheered up. Including me. An life moved on.


But I really was into art.


An my grandmother took me to see Snow White in theaters. It was my first movie.


I was blown away. You could do all that drawing?
So, I've always thought about drawing & stories.


It was just instilled in me from a very early age.
Books, stories, drawings...all of it.


I wanted to grow up an do that! After the baby came, my mom decided to redecorate my room or our room. Not sure which. I was entering Kindergarten an she decided to go with Precious Moments stuff for the theme. I use to play she was a great artist who did that. I'd sit an try to redraw it until I had it as perfect as the one on the folder. I'd spend hours in my room doing it.


I didn't want to just draw stick figures like my grandmother taught me.


I wanted them to be as cute as the figurines I saw down at Hallmark. As cute as the baby was. An I'd focus all my attention on it. I'd play I was that great of an artist. An even worked on what “my signature” symbol should be. That's how into the idea I was of being an artist & story teller I was. Still am. I'd play that all the time.


One playtime ritual revolved around a suitcase.


I played that a famous artist had stopped by. Painted an oil painting on it of a VW bug, traveling. Which actually was a famous ad back in that day. That it was worth millions, an he just gave it to me and my dad to protect. An inside was my mom's typewriter. An I'd take it out, pretend to type my story then draw the artwork for it. I'd pretend the “bad guys” where trying to break in to our house an steal it. But they didn't know how special it was.


An when I got sick couple of years ago.


This is the kind of stuff, I was thinking about. My playtime stories. Rituals. Things I would do as a child. I spent a lot of time trying to learn how to use my mom's typewriter. I think I knew how to type before I actually could read very well. It was just important for me to know how to do that. It's what made books. An she would let me do it, as long as I didn't mess up the ribbon.


This is the kinda of stuff artist think about.
Getting back in touch with your “magical thinking”


My kids where all upside down, when I got sick because what I was talking about just didn't seem to make a lot of sense to them. It made perfect sense to me: I was the one stuck in my own head. An I might have been starving an hallucinating, but I was rediscovering myself. I just wasn't communicating so well.


I don't suggest starving yourself to death as a way to creativity.


I've never believed in the starving artist notion. Even though, I was literally at that moment. I only suggest looking back at your childhood as a way to get to the root of why or where you got that notion in your head. I was surrounded by successful art. In books. On Tv. In Movies. Magizines in my childhood. So, I really do have to rethink this “poor” notion.


It might have been watching my family struggle with bringing the crops in.
How important that was to our families financial future.


Farmers are poor part of the year, rich the other.
An they have more equity then most do...


Yet there was this image of poor struggling farmers out there. An in the 70's banks where taking farms away from people that had several farmed the same land several generations. It was a legit worry for my own family. I didn't grow up with this notion we where poor. Just that it required a lot of work. I grew up with stories of when my grandmother was poor, struggling to over come that. An how the whole family had. I grew up with my father, going on strike an marching on Washington over the way farmers where being done. Him warning other's in his community to get out, or invest in something else before you loose it all.


An that's what he did. He sold all the equipment, the cows an even my dog an moved us up north. He was well worth over a million dollars. We were not poor. It was just invested. He took that money an bought rentals to support the farm land. He didn't farm it anymore. He rented it out but held on to it by doing something else with the money.


So, I'm not sure what got stuck in my subconscious that you couldn't make a living at art. Or where it came from. It might be I just got taught you couldn't make a living at something you love. Because my dad actually loved farming. He didn't really enjoy fully being a landlord. Not like he had farming. So that might have been why I choose to go into a different field other then the one I loved.


It might not actually have anything to do with art.
Or if you can or can't make a living at it.


An this is why you have to go back into your programmed subconscious an see what's going on there. What lessons you learned watching your parents grow up. We always had enough. We might have not been living like the Rockfellers but there was food on the table an clothes on our backs. So, you have to look at what you learned about work or money from your childhood. An when I look back, my mom had a habit of telling us there wasn't enough money for this or that.


But looking back, there was plenty of money for what we needed.


So it's a nasty habit mentally I got from someone that didn't mean to instill it I don't think. She always had a fear there wouldn't be enough. Not that there was or wasn't I think an passed that on to me. That thought. It's part of budgeting to last a year on a farmers salary. It's just the nature of the beast. Same as getting through to the next weeks check. It was just a habit of hers to tell us kids. There is or isn't money for this or that. Or we only have this much to spend. That probably made me a great manager. I didn't over shoot my budget as one. But it might have made me always think we where poor when we weren't. So, it's how you choose to look at something.


An you have to examine it or it's going to effect your whole life.


Money's a funny subject for me. I've had money, I've not had money. An I don't tend to look at wealth the same as most of the people I know. Successful or not. Money to me, I guess because I watched my parents under so much pressure from it: Seemed like a burden. Not a joy. An when you don't have enough of it, it most certainly can be. My hang ups regarding money might just all go back to the time my grandfather passed away.


Before that, people worked an did what they where suppose to create money. They didn't worry over it. They just did it. So my four year old self might have been running my whole money show my entire life, prepare for the worst that could happen. That's kind of what you do, budgeting. Prepare for the worst. Hope for the best is kinda deal. Go without somethings, while you have to get them later when you can afford to.


I'm not bad with money.
I never have been.


I can make 30K go a lot farther then most. I just tend to view wealth not just as something material. Happiness, satisfaction, resources factor in. What's the point of being “successful” if your whole family is miserable in the process weighs heavily for me. Not that I don't understand the road to success. I'm surrounded by successful people, in one form or another. But like the “Artist's Way” brings up, you have to define what success means to you as an artist.


It wasn't starving.


So, when did this notion I might be one if I choose a art career take root?
Where did it for you?


This is one of the reasons I got back and rethink my childhood. Not only is it a source of getting back in touch with your creative self, an your “magical thinking” You can pull up a bad weed that got planted there in your subconscious at some point. It can block your road to success. I want to pull up by it's roots. It's a bad seed.


I'm just not seeing in my childhood where that got planted.


Other then my father selling the farm, an taking away from it you couldn't make money doing something you love. You might have to find something else you like doing to make a income. That just might be it for me, an has nothing to do with can I or can I not be successful artist. It might have been why I became so interested in business management. I actually love running businesses. PNL's turn me on. Out performing ever gas station in the Rockford area, use to give me chills. Good ones.


When the gas guy would call, an say hey Dana, want to get into a price war today?


I'd be oh, hell yea!


I enjoyed it. Competition. It's fun to me. So, it might not be a fear of being an artist. Or not making enough money at it. It just might be, this is the right time in my life to presue it. When it doesn't matter if I make money at it or not. That's a nice bonus. But it's not the main goal. Just a side product of it. It might have been because I witnessed great aunts & my grandmother not get into art until they where older an had time to. When raising their children an obligations where already meet. At any rate. I got over whatever fear of it was holding me back, when I took the photography management job.


An that fear of instability, seems to be there regardless of what career I'm in.
An it's just something you have to scwash like a bug. An get past it.


I think that fear for me comes from some place else that has nothing to do with money or art.


I don't know a successful person that hasn't had to face that fear, an over come it.
Regardless of the career path they choose to be in.
You have to face whatever is holding you back.


So, I've pretty much set myself up, now where I can do art regardless. Without worry.
An the only thing that seems to get in the way of it is, a few peoples approval.


I don't actually need to do art.


So, what's holding you back?

I've spent my whole life focused on specific things: art from a very young age. My life has revolved around it home, family & management. I grew up in a family that started out as farmers that centered their lives around homes: Real Estate. My mother sold them, my aunt brokered them. My uncle built them. My grandmother rented them. An my dad remodeled buildings to rent. An I painted them from the age of ten onwards. Not very artist but practical painting!
I was so sick of painting versions of white by sixteen: I wanted to scream every time I opened a can of it.


But it did teach me to apply a skill I had from a very early age in the real world. My trade mark? My boombox playing in the background of everything I did. Music got me through everything. No matter how hard or tired I was. I had a belief in myself other kids my age didn't have. I could make a living at something I could do. It might not have been as artistic as I desired but it was a skill. Being a latch-key kid the rest of my time was spent watching my sisters, cleaning and managing the house. My life revolved around kids. After one of the adults got home, then an only then did I get time for art.

I didn't have a lot of time for socializing like other kids.I've spent my whole life focused on specific things: art from a very young age. My life has revolved around it home, family & management. I grew up in a family that started out as farmers that centered their lives around homes: Real Estate. My mother sold them, my aunt brokered them. My uncle built them. My grandmother rented them. An my dad remodeled buildings to rent. An I painted them from the age of ten onwards. Not very artist but practical painting!

I was so sick of painting versions of white by sixteen: I wanted to scream every time I opened a can of it.

I wanted to but it just didn't fit in the schedule. An I told myself, I could do all that after I turned 18. An I did. Partying became a “hobby” of mine. I took a bartender job up in Beloit just to get paid to socialize. Because if nothing else my childhood made me practical. The rest of the time I worked painting new construction. Staining woodwork. I worked Sharkys one nite a week, starting out as a “Shot Girl”. Graduated to full on weekend, an picked up another bar tending job at Rockton Wagon Wheel to learn “classy” bar tending. You know, mix something a little more complicated then Lady's Nite well drinks.

I didn't set out to open a bar.

But I did learn to mange one without meaning to. I got into retail management because I was a organized person. I didn't like a unpredictable pay check. Or working three jobs at once. Which I was. I went to RVC, took a certification course in accounting just to get away from what I considered at the time: a no where job. Just a phase of my life. It gave others belief in me that I could do more then just serve others or paint walls. I learned I liked practical sales, not sales jobs. I've been in retail management since. I believed I could manage millions of dollars stores. An proved it.

I believed I could. An did.

What I didn't believe I could do was sales. I mean, I knew I could because I watched my mother do them. She's good at them, but I also watched her go through the ups and downs of it. An I was actually very good at convincing people they needed another shot as a “Shot Girl” but I just didn't think sales positions where for me. I took what seemed to me the easier route: There's the candy bar on the shelf, I'll organize it. Clean it. Manage it. Make it look nice: You buy it if you want to. I'm not gonna spend my time talking you into it if you don't really want it. I liked PRACTICAL sales.
Not sales, SALES.

Or so I thought. I didn't choose to go into an Art Career because I was so practical about it. I wasn't into the idea of “starving artist”. I went into what I had learned growing up: Managing. Being practical. Being an artist wasn't going to make me a living. Only the best, an few make any real money in art. I ignored it as career option. Even though that's what I was best at. It just wasn't “practical” to believe I'd get any where in an art field. Except being a teacher. An I started to go that route returning to college in my 20's because I had a art teacher tell me: “If nothing else works out in art for you Dana, you can at least go into teaching.” Not even the art teacher, no matter how good she thought I was had a belief that there was any good way to make a living in art.

An here's the point of this whole piece: Belief.

What you believe is going to effect your whole life. I grew up being discourage from actually following an art career. I was encouraged to do art, just not to believe it would earn me much of living. I used the things I learned as a kid to guide my whole life. I grew up watching entrepreneurs all around me. I was taught I could turn something I loved into business that would support me an later on my family.. I was taught family working together is everything. An what I wanted to do for work, just didn't quit fit into being as successful as they had been. Or at best it was a “long shot”.

An you have to examine those beliefs you have learned or been taught.

I was taught to believe in myself, just not so much about art. Painting a wall is an art form. Believe it or not. A practical one. It's boring but can be therapeutic. An you can get so good at it you don't need a drop cloth or have to put up painters tap. But it wasn't going to provide me with income I wanted. It could have had I stuck with it but it was just too boring to a person who'd rather paint flowers on the wall. Or anything else that wasn't white. I'd do big jobs, commercial now an then to catch up on bills but it left me dissatisfied.

When my kids where born, I went into Home Daycare. Again being practical.

I wanted to be home with my kids, Do art when they slept. An got to use those business management skills I had learned. I believed I could do it. So I did. An I made a “okay” living doing something I could believe in. Being home for my little ones. Family: A Family Business. Again, my drive of wanting to do something, but having to be practical at making a living doing it. I had managed to get paid to be social parting in the 80s. An I managed to get paid to stay at home with my kids. Then, when my daughter was about six I got a phone call from my grandmother.

My dad had bought a bar.

I was the only one in the family that knew anything about running one. I was the only one that had any kind of retail management experience: Could you please go over there an help him. So, I did. I ran the daycare during the day. Worked at night running the bar. An picked up a huge commercial painting bid job just so I could afford to follow everyone else's dream but my own. An it was a success. Still is. I believed we could do it. An we did. As a family.

But when my father passed in 2007, an my children growing up:

I hit a full on depression because my whole life revolved around them. kids and managing things. I had spent years returning to college, learning computer programming struggling to raise the kids during it so I could be in a art field. An had landed right back into retail management. I wasn't doing art. An the only thing that got me through the grieving possess of loosing him and my grandmother was ART. I dived in head first into digital fractal art. I didn't care if it sold or not. Practicality went out the window. I had to do some art, or I'd loose it upstairs. I'd work my management all day an come home an do art all night. I finally decided by 2010 if I didn't figure out how to do something in a art field I was gonna go crazy. I spent my whole life revolving around managing this or that: painting walls an raising children. I had to get over this belief you couldn't make money in an artistic field. Everything I had learned an put to practical use over the years had been successful. Even parting. An not many can say that. So I had to get over this block I had. Or disbelief.

An it was deeply ingrained in me for some odd reason I couldn't make a living doing “art.” I'm still not sure why that it is, other then years of listening to people who are not artist tell me it was a impossibility to make a living doing it. So 2011 or so, I got determined when I was looking for a job. An it was bad. I was behind on a house payment. Pissed off what I had worked for was being taken away from me. An pretty close to getting my lights shut off. I just didn't care. I had to find a job that was going to actually be forefilling or go nuts.

You can only merchandise beer displays so much an tell yourself at least it's somewhat artistic marketing them an not flip the hell out on yourself. So I looked hard for something that would actually fit me. An got over the fact it was gonna involve sales. An FINALLY I found a job that incorporated everything I had spent my whole life invested in. And I didn't have to paint a white wall! Or get someone drunk to do it. A studio was looking for a retail manager. Must be good with children. Artistic a plus! We will teach you sales!

When I read the ad, I thought I had died an gone to heaven.

I've never been nervous at a job interview. I was at this one cause I wanted it so bad but practically needed it or me an the kids where gonna freeze to death if I kept up this craziness of wanting an art career. It was a god send! An it might not seem much to most, but probably taught me the most about getting over my phobia of not believing in myself having a career in what I loved. An it's definitely not for everybody. The hours are long, the attention to detail exacting an you have to really like people an socializing to do it.

It was a perfect balance of art, family and management for me. An I rocked it out of the park because I fell in love with it. Could believe in it.

I officially became the retail manger of a photography studio.

All my years of learning digital art, working with kids, family and the public in management had finally paid off. An I had some of the best years of my life doing it. I can't complain. But I will tell you it's not a job you can do if you don't believe in yourself. I don’t care how many guru’s you pay. It's not a job you can do if you don't believe in the art of it either. An it's definitely not a job you can do if you don't get over “art doesn't sell”.

I grew as an artist more my first year as a studio manger then I had in a decade.

Why? Cause the job makes you confront every self doubt you have ever had about yourself and your art. The first couple of weeks on the job, I didn't know if I was gonna make it. I really did have a lot of self doubt about my ability. And it was confronted by customers daily. People that loved what I was doing. I mean everything that could go wrong did. Right down to, the DM quit during my training. To not knowing how to even open the registrar on my first sale. I had to retrain my mind, to not be scared of sales. I had to make myself get out there every day on the floor an push myself to engage with people to bring in new customers. I had to get past being scared of rejection. I had to show people daily my work. I had to report in every day that I was in fact selling the art: photography portraits.

An to do that, you have to believe in it. An yourself. You have to have confidence in what you are doing. Something I had always had in every other area of my life. A belief.

You have to have a belief system in your life that works for you. Mine hadn't in one area of my life: art. An the job pushed me past a limiting belief, that art doesn't sell or can't support you. I kept looking for it. My whole life, an what I found was a self limiting belief that had to go in order for me to be happy. My life has been nothing but “do what you love” an the money will follow example. If it's not, you have to examine the roots of your value system an pluck all the self limiting weeds out of it. If you can't do that, art or the art of photography really isn't gonna be a career you can make it in. Your not just selling art, your selling a belief in it an yourself. An if your a slash an burn photographer selling it for less then portraits are worth your harming the industry.

It was very easy for me to get behind the notion that family memories are important an should be captured by a photo lens. An they are worth paying good money for. It was a lot of fun for me to get to part take in the artistic experience of it with others. I don't think I've laughed so much in my life. An there was nothing better in the retail world of being greeted by customers that smiled and where actually happy to see you. It was the perfect combination of life balance for me. But it took a lot of over coming myself to achieve it. An that all boiled down to belief.

So believe, but don’t be stupid about it.

Your looking at a girl that “followed her bliss” practically.

A woman that turned painting houses & buildings into a paid off home for her family. Turned a hobby of 80s parting into a rock solid tavern business. A mother who wanted to stay home with her children into successful daycare business an internet site. And manger that turned her artistic dream into reality that ended up running the district. It's never a matter of can you. You can. That just takes practice.

It's a matter of how to turn a belief into a reality. An that starts with your beliefs to begin with.

So take the time to examine your own beliefs. But believe: Because what you think, look for or invest your time in. You will find.