I watched a program on Salvador Dali, the Surrealist the other day. Dali was one of the most successful artist of the 20th Century. He was worth millions, an died broke. He shouldn't have. He was a very generous man, an had always offered those close to him, loyal to him, that helped him sell his paintings 10% of his sales. To me, that's just a smart way to be. Reward people for being there for you. Supporting you. So, I intend to offer the same: I will give anyone: 10% of the traditional artwork sales you bring me personally. I will give $20 to anyone that sends me a photography client who purchases the digital CD. If you send me five purchasing clients, I will do a photo session for you for free: Give you a CD of the session so you can print them up on your own. To me, this is no different then Dali's way of saying thank you.

The problem Dali ran into, was trusting someone in his late years that didn't have his best interest at heart. They had him sign over rights to his copyrighted works. It was suppose to have been a trust, an the works go to Spain when he passed. But it didn't exactly work out that way. Now, I can only hope to be as good as someone like Dali by the time I pass: But I do worry about what will happen to my works after I'm gone.

I want the works to be in a trust, an my children to benefit from them. No one else. An I want that to be pretty clear. I'm on a lot of online websites. There are arrangements between those sites & myself as an artist to print & sell those works: but they do not own the rights to them. The rights, after I'm gone go to my children. If nothing comes of them, so be it but if something does. It's theirs to be divided up equally.

I'd like the unsold artwork kept together. Not divided or fought over. So it can be displayed. They can sell pieces, as long as all three agree to sell. It has to be for a decent price or the original is not worth selling. If they do sell, they have to make it clear to the buyer they, an they alone will always own the copyright of the piece. Only they are legally allowed to profit of it's prints or products. They need to be sure to keep a good digital copy of the prints. So they will always have residual income.

If my artwork never makes a cent for them: They've lost nothing.
But if it does, it's theirs an theirs alone.

With the exception of making sure they give the ten percent to anyone who physically sells one of the pieces. That's my “will” on it. Simple enough. So, why am I thinking about this anyway?

A few reasons: I'm getting older for one, an trying to recover from an physical illness: a breast cancer scare. Which I'm not really sure I've beat. I have to go back an get rechecked. I've had asthma attacks. Experienced a lot of sluggishness. Removed myself from any medication that could be causing it an all the doctors can only say for sure is that I do have a thyroid problem going on. The medication for it doesn't seem to be working. I have a great deal of tiredness an it's hard to get motivated. I'm pretty swollen up. My face looks like I've gone ten rounds in a boxing ring.

An for most part feels like it some days.

I'm not whining: I'm alive. Thankful for that. Slowly, I'm recovering from whatever is really physically going on with me. I feel better then I did a year ago. While I'm tired, it's no where near the level it was a year ago. It's not pure exhaustion.

An some people are just going to have to accept that.
An the fact, that their behavior wasn't so hot. Not that I'm perfect.

Because I'm not but when your seriously ill probably isn't the time to pick on someone. The only plus side of it is that people really do show you their true colors during a time period when you can't really fend for yourself. My oldest child wasn't there for me at all. She was to stuck on what I did wrong as parent to be. My son tried to be but verbally abused me up one side an down the other. The youngest was just getting kept away from me.

An the others, well is the reason I'm writing this.

When your sick, you really don't want people around you who will try to take advantage. It's really easy to “kick” someone when they are down. Your pretty vulnerable to whatever whim some get on. Defenseless. An you can forgive some of it, but not all of it. During it, your kinda well: They don't know. They don't understand. An well, they are the ones that have to live with it. It'll be their regret if ya actually kill over dead.

My kids, I can easily forgive.

Others, I'm struggling to because it's the same shitty manipulative behavior. The kind that picks you over before you're even dead. So I write this to protect my kids from it in the future. I'm human. I'm gonna die someday an people attacking me, my life, my character when Im ill it isn't going to change the life I lived. I won't have them rewriting my whole life to fit their needs. They weren't apart of my life for the most part a majority of it. So they don't get to say, she was this or that. They don't know me, an they still didn't get to know me. An it's their loss.

But I won't let it be my kids.

Dali, wasn't perfect. The man painted abstract pictures of masturbation in a time period that you didn't even talk about sex. His father wouldn't even speak to him after a certain point in his life. It was probably the best thing that ever happened to his art career. He no longer sat around trying to please someone he couldn't please. He focused on what he should have been: His art. If he sat around dwelling on OMG what's my family going to say: We might never have got to see all the wonderful things he produced. An I can't either just because four people I'm related to don't like me or afraid of what I might put out there.

Dali's dad refused to speak to him an life got nothing but better for Dali.

He left the small local scene, an grew into a international artist. Bigger then he would have ever been if he let his dad's approval or disapproval of his artwork have the last say. He might have censored it. Demanded Dali do something else. Behave differently. Ect. I myself can say, my son probably needs to rain himself in a little on social media. But I won't. It's his choice how he expresses himself an has to live with it. I don't always agree with what he is posting but I won't interfere with someones right to free speak. All I can do as his mother is say: That's probably not the best way to show the world who you are. It might come back an bite you in the ass. But for all I know it could be the right way for him. It might get him where he wants to be, doubtful but maybe. You never know.

Dali didn't have kids.

I doubt if he had he would have ever had to listen to he was a bad parent for going to work in his studio. I have. My “studio” just happened to be in my home office. Just because they couldn't see the artwork didn't make it any less real. Just because I can't display the 5000+ photo shoots I've done doesn't mean they weren't real work either. It's like saying my father never worked because he operated soly out of his house to do his work. Framing an rentals are home businesses. They are family businesses.

My daycare was out of my house.

Dealing with people that run on you for that is annoying. They will treat you like your just sitting around eating bon bons doing nothing with your time. Even if you built a empire doing it. So I really don't have a lot of use for the few that didn't understand it an went on in the backgrounds of my childrens lives telling them I was neglecting them. This would be like someone saying my grandmother did because she was watching her children and hoeing a cotton field at the same time. She was working & mothering at the same time.

To some it might have been seemed better if she just went to a factory job an didn't take them with. That is only because some can't wrap their minds around the concept of: Yes some of us took our kids to work with them. I'd took them to the gas station I managed if I could as well. In fact I did one day, take my son to work with me a few hours: Just so he could learn about what it is I did all day. I'd bring my daughter an her friends up to the studio all day too once in a while. So they got: I'm not ignoring you. I'm actually working. The only place I wouldn't take them much to was the bar. Unless it was daylight, a family meal or gathering: I saw no reason for them to be in it.

Parents have to work to support their children.

My children saw me work. All of it might not been as successful as I'd like it to be but I was working. They also saw me studying a lot. Going to college. Am I a bad parent for that too? The only time my kids where not with me, they where with my grandmother or another adult supervising in my home. I didn't like the Latch & Key way I was raised. I went way out of my way not to mommy by telephone. I was also home with them. They might not have had my full attention constantly but I was there for them if they needed me. It was no different then if I had taken them to a job with me. Its no different then me working on a painting in my own home. Mine just happened to be on the computer a lot. An they could not always see what I was doing. Nor could the person(s) that constantly runs me down for it. Just because everyone else was only online to socialized didn't mean I was.

So right now, I will apologize to my kids for being a space cadet. I don't mind saying, I was distracted. Or that I usually had ten things going on at once. No different then if I had took them to my gas station management job. I would have had to watch them, an do my job: but I did pay attention to you more then I was growing up. A lot more. An someday, my kids will have kids of their own an understand just how hard it is to raise children an work. They may choose to put their kids in daycare while they work. I choose not to most of it. I'm not the only one that choose to parent this way.

It made me working harder.

But I didn't complain about having a kid stuck to my leg 24-7. I choose to have you. I wanted you an I raised each one of you best I could with you with me as much as possible. Being a single mother is a hard task. An I am forever grateful to my grandmother for co parenting with me. She didn't have to. An I didn't make her. A good chunk of the time, she'd insist the kids come up to her house wither they really needed to or I wanted her to. What I am not grateful for is the constant criticism of me parenting all during it. Or someone interfering an robbing my youngest of years with me based on me living in a house they sold me or me being ill.

It's not fair to her. It never will be.

An I don't care what someone who has always only worked for another has to say about it. By all means yes, it certainly is easier. I get that, but it never leads to any great accomplishments in life either. Some don't get what it means to own your own business, successful or not. An you never had three kids teetered to you all through you work day either. I literally use to breastfed my youngest while sitting at the computer working on something. My son sat next to me all day long playing, napping or learning to crawl as I learned HTML. I was there for every diaper change, burp or gas movement for each one of them. Even if it meant I had to stop what I was programming, drawing or studying in college to attend them. An tell ya truth, it was no different then when I was a teen working or doing artwork around my little sisters needs. I wasn't a phone call away. I was there.

If my kids are mad at me about it, it's because someone has been putting it in their head that it was wrong. An that's all they do, is go on about how “wrong” I am. Even though, I flat out told one of them I'm thinking about writing a book an they stated “You should.” then play victim when I start.

How do you think Dali's career would have went had he listened to his Dad?

I can tell you from personal experience not so damn hot. He would have stayed local. He never would have meet the people in the surrealist movement an probably never seen the wax museum that so influenced his art. An Dali sold so well, not only because he had great art but because people all over talked about him. He stirred up controversy. He was known for it. It helped him establish himself as a household name.

So let the “haters” hate. Let them talk.

No one remembers who talked about Dali, or even much of what they had to say about him.
They remember Dali thou, an his art.

An that's what I would like my children to understand. I'm not doing this or that to hurt someone. I just don't need that someones approval or they few using you to get at me. It won't work. I'll just take more pictures, paint more murals an put out more content. You don't have to like it, but maybe someday I'll have a real Legecy to really leave you. Then you might understand. An if not, I'm sorry but your grown adults: An I like to think I've taught you all to think for yourselves.

Dali did, an I don't think hes a bad example to follow.

Tons said he was crazy too an whether he was or not. He wasn't really, he just really got okay with putting himself out there. Which, back in the day was unheard of, specially topics he covered. Because back in the day, you didn't even talk about sex let alone admit to masturbation. He shocked many not accustomed to a culture where nudism on he beach was normal. That didn't make him crazy. It just gave him the ability to have others question the status quo of their own cultures. It didn't make him crazy. It really just boiled down to being raised differently then anothers culture.

I don't regret the way I raised my children.

When I was 8,9, 10 years old, my grandmother use to paint all day watching me & my sister. I have found memories of being with her while she did. She would even let me paint, or dabble in whatever as well. She'd hand me the book she was learning from, an have a go at it myself. I still have those books.I'd watch Bob Ross with her, totally enjoying learning something new. An she would take me along with her to her sisters house who was a farmer, an artist herself. Her sister got into it even more, with her husband building picture frames an selling at art shows.

I enjoyed that part of my upbringing.

I thought nothing of buying my daughter a barbie computer, with preschool software to learn her ABCS. She could work on hers, while I worked on mine. An that was pretty strange to some folks too. Letting a three year old get on the computer an play. But I did. I made sure my son had a hot wheels computer an could enjoy it just as much as I did. My oldest started to hate on the computer, bored with it: I reintroduced into it being like a library because she loved to read. I made sure each kid had one, so they could explore their passions: Even if it was just Everquest. An I let my youngest get on social media, as long as she was safe about it. I'd take the time to check on her account. Who was on it, why they where an how she knew them.

My kids run computers better then most adults.

A skill needed in this day an age an if they ever wanted a career in it they could have it. Easily. My nephews in college for it right now. Learning exact same stuff I went to college for. When he was little, he use to play on my sons. An I don't regret teaching any of them a little bit about computers. Or what it was, I was trying to do for work. The kids get it better then most adults around me. Because they grew up playing games with artwork on computer screens. And none of them might not ever go down the arts bunny hole I have but if they do: It's certainly okay with me. This is where the future is going.

An I won't apologize for teaching my kids about it. Or working. Or working from home. Wanting to own your own business. Or Art. An someday, they are going to look back at it an go: Yea, that really wasn't all that bad of her.


But Dali didn't have kids, or a computer...but he did have one other thing I have: A admiration for Disney. He didn't work for Walt even though he wanted to. He ended up in the Twilight Zone instead an I don't much mind going there myself. Crazy, not crazy: As my grandma would say to me: “Who gives a shit” “Just do at least one thing a day an it will add up to something”

OH! and...“Practice” AND “Stop giving a shit what other people think” Best advice ever!
Given from one artist to another.

If your an artist, an on social media because you have to be: take a primer out of Dali's life. Don't worry about your families/”friends” approval. They aren't your buyers anyway. If you are worried about their approval all your gonna end up doing is painting flowers. Because flowers are about the only thing you can do artistically that doesn't offend someone. An the weather is about the only thing you can write about that doesn't piss someone off. Even then, you'll have a few haters. Focus on who encourages you. Not the ones who don't. An you'll find a lot more love, then hate. An for all you know, your hater could end up jump starting your career.

Dali's dad certainly did his.

What's in a name? I had someone all upside down because I use my original real name on the internet.. It's my father's last name, an everyone knows it yadda yadda. Can't have anyone spoiling his name. First of all, in the scheme of things: Most of the world, doesn't even know who the hell my father was. So it's MY name I'm putting out there.

"Well I'll just have Facebook remove it"

Ya gonna go over the astrologer Dana Haynes too. Tell her she can't post her astrology stuff cause you didn't approve it? How about the author Dana Haynes? There is one out there. He writes fiction. Never read it, but he's taking up my name on Google search results when you search for the artist an it's annoying to me. Mainly because I'd like my art to be found, but he's got a budget for Adwords I don't have right now. Shows up more then any of us. There is also some tv personality out west that goes by Dana Haynes. Guess they should just go tell them they can't use the name Haynes, because someone died who once carried it.

What's in a name anyway?

I follow a guy named GaryVee on social media. He is branding his name. His parents ran a family business he helped blow over the top on the internet. I like him because I have a few things in common with him. One, the industry that he was in, my family was too. His was a liquor store, mine a tavern. Both he & I have been around since the early days on the internet following the trends. Busting butt on it. The difference between him & I is I had a divorce in there an lost my momentum.

You disappear on the internet pretty quickly if you don't keep hounding it.

Like him, I had spent time building a family business I didn't own an wasn't going to get credit for. It's your parents. I might have been Vice President of it on paper but just like him: It wasn't getting me anywhere. An if it did it would only be at the death of someone you love. Which doesn't feel so great. An I wanted to do art anyway if I had a choice where I was going to put my extra time and energy in. The thing I like about him so much is he got the internet was just as much a reality as “real life”. An when I talk about people I use to hang out with online or respect: He's the kind I was drawn to. The creatives that mixed business & the internet. That saw how important the internet was going to become. Who where interested in branding on it: Not just creating a website an leaving it sit out in open air an hopes someone visits it. Who weren't interested in get rich schemes, who saw the actual work you had to put in. Understood it. An interested in where it was heading.

I had my niche, to practice with: Daycare Providers & Moms.

It's what my life revolved around a lot at the time, so it was good practice on how to get up there to the top. An it took a lot of work to stay in the top ten. Discipline. I didn't have a full time marketing budget or anyone else but me to do the work. A few signed on to volunteer to write occasionally an that was about it. The ended up going into online teaching because it was starting to pay a little. Most couldn't afford those early days of really making a website work. Or the effort it takes keep one fresh: An keep on branding. Let alone have a budget to keep programming.

I just had to keep learning, an following the wave to stay on top.

It all came to a end, right about the time I was figuring out how to actually make it produce a income. My computer crashed for one. Which has messed me up several times, but I was getting a divorce. My husband at the time, an countless others around me just couldn't see why I thought this was so dang important. The most people used computers for at the time was bookkeeping. But there where other artist online, who just like me where learning to draw on theirs. Others learning how to build websites. Few where into all aspects of it like I was.

I was getting noticed so much a local Marketing Company contacted me.

They wanted to “interview” me. They said they where a publishing company an just getting into building websites: Would I be interested? Getting divorced of course I was. I went & got grilled basically about this or that topic. I was pretty much told afterwords, we like what your doing but you don't have a degree in it so please come back after you get one. An it was very much came across as “we are the real world”, the “authority” on this, you are not. What they had was something that was dying: Publishing & a hardware geek telling. They didn't undersand the internet. They just understood how to profit off people who knew they needed a website. They didn't have what I had. The ability to actually have people visit the websites. My self doubt, an listening to others tell me the “internet wasn't the real world” lead me back to college. I shouldn't have listened to them. I should have stayed on course an continued doing what I had been. It was working. Had I continued I'd have a site worth tons of money today.

I let people around me sabotage me.

They didn't, an a lot of them still don't understand the internet. They have a old school business model of how things work, an it's like pulling teeth to even get some to use their little computer phones correctly. When they finally did get it on it, I suddenly got attacked a lot in real life. Omg, she's saying this, she's doing that. No, I won't make a myspace page, or a Facebook page. She's a bad parent! I'm going to take her to court, an try to take away her son. I'm going to take her to court an have the judge stop her on Facebook. Even though everything I was doing was actually exactly what I should be doing. I had to deal with someone walking into court with a 100 pages of my facebook feed printed out. With them going on about how crazy I was, an how I was sabotaging them. The judge threw it out: basically stating all he sees me staying on it: Is leave me alone.

It's a fact, recorded down at the Winnebago Court house.

Literally trying to take away my free speech. It's the same people that always have sabotage me in real life, an my grandmother. So I pretty much ignore them as much as I can. But it's a little hard to ignore when they are calling police on you with false accusations, harassing you in court, through courts and the system. I've had police called, the health dept, dcfs an all kinds of stuff done to me all in the name of trying to shut me up. It's all on record. Documented.

An it's why I left the internet, an went an worked in a another town completely.

Then they called me “paranoid”. It's not paranoia if its really happening to you. They told everyone I had mental issues, tried to have me locked up in a mental ward an that I'm bipolar. When I was actually going through a breast cancer scare an pretty much starving cause I was too exhausted to work. They got away with taking my child away from me because I was too broke & sick to fight them off any longer. All sorts of dirty tricks pulled. An a lot of money lost combating it.

That's how real the internet is. An it's how real a bully is.

I suffer from PSTD from what happened before I was 13, an what happened after my grandmother & dad passed. I've had clinical depression from it. A normal reaction to BULLSHIT. In fact the first time I didn't go along with the program at 21, one of these people who was behind this tried to say I was crazy back then. So, I went to the a shrink. Told him all I had been through up to that point in my life. An that's exactly what he said: Your not crazy. Any normal person would be depressed having gone through what you have. Myself, I'm going back to what it is I do: Art. An I really don't give a rats ass if a few select few who bullied me back then or over the years don't like it. They where the major ones saying “the internet” isn't real. Scared of the technology to begin with. They don't understand it, aren't very good at it or the art of it. They are just running around with phones, thinking they are experts now since everyone uses one. Deep down bullies live in fear an try to push that on to others.

And the internet is competitive enough without having one of these bullies bothering you. Block them. Get a restraining order if you have to.

I am if one more thing happens to me.

Most people doing that won't have an major significance on the internet. They have little in real life. An if they do have some kind of influence, It won't last without them putting in the work I originally was talking about anyway. Few are willing to go the mile it takes to really be a “influencer” or successful on the internet. I had a 51% influencer rate back before I stepped out to deal with these bullies. Don't even waste your time with them. They are nothing but making themselves an obstacle to your success.

Much like that little marketing company did me. They knew a little bit, but not a lot. They knew a one side, but not all of it. Promoting even a small business on here is a lot of work to brand it. To really be successful on it, you have to be on about ten platforms at one time. But if you are an artist, not only do you have to do your art, sell it in real life, run a website, be on ten social sites at once but every art website on it there is.

It's a shit ton of work. It’s not just about Likes.

You don't have time to get side tracked by a bully who's jealous, insecure or doesn't understand what your doing. The art world is pretty competitive to begin with. You really have to stand out to sell art in the first place let alone on the internet. You really have to work the internet to stay alive in real world sales too. You can no longer just sell in the “real world”. You have to be in the “internet world” too. It's becoming “the world”. Just like Gary Vee says, I've said.

You can not rely on one or the other an make it.

Internet sales for artist are growing by 40%. But it's less then 1% of artist who actually make sales on the internet. I am one of those 1% who actually made sales. I've watched a whole art industry (photography) take a nose dive in “real life” because they just didn't have a strong internet presence. They can't compete with the internet photographers. An that was with them having some of the best locations in the “real world”. They are being forced to step up their game, include the internet or get out of the business.


I am a actual successful artist on the internet an in real life.

I'm telling you, I don't even know if I want to put in the effort required to “make it” with the health problems I have going on. I'm tired a lot, but I also don't want to give up because I know what's just around the corner an can be a guide. I'm going to listen to my gut on this, not someone else's who doesn't know what they are talking about. An isn't supportive.
I've been right to many times in the past for me to question it.

My dad made fun of me, few years before he passed because I said I wanted to go into tattoo. Asked me what the hell would I want to do that for? Well because it's an artform an I want my own businesses doing just art for a change. Not all this hassle. He was all, no no no: Whatcha need is to go into publishing. Print. Open us a newspaper.

See?

My dad, thought old school business. An not a lot about art. I was right: years later tattoo exploded. Publishing was/is loosing money. I should have listened to MY GUT. Instead of getting caught up in his approval or not. I'm going to listen to guru's that have been on this thing as long as I have that actually know what they are talking about. Those are the types I've missed. But I would advise you to be cautionary about even that: A lot are self professed guru's that haven't really put in the work. An not really going to teach you all aspects of something you need to know.

Just like there are a lot of self professed photographers running around these days. They've never worked in studio. Don't know sales. Don't understand branding. They haven't invested in software. They aren't good with enhancements. Don't know Photoshop or Lightroom or even much about a camera. Let alone much about the internet. Yet they got a social media account an think they are going to be the next Anne Grddes. It took her decades to build that kind of portfolio & income.

It doesn't happen over night.

You can claim to be whatever you want to, but it’s the real work involved that makes one an expert. Even on the internet, unlike what so many want to believe: You have to put in the work.


I've got so much work out there, I can't even keep track of it anymore. I've worked at companies, I can't even show a quarter of my work. But get this?

A bully will sit around an tell you: You never worked. Don't listen to them.

Art is WORK. Even if you aren’t earning a big paycheck.

It just doesn't feel like work to most of us because we enjoy the work. I've put my share of 18 hour days on it. An that's the other reason I like Gary Vee: suggest if your interested in making a name for yourself, your business or company you listen to him. He's done the work in real life. He gets the internet because he has done it successfully. Most of what he say's can be applied to any business. He's very matter of fact about it. An gets what's going on. But if your not willing to put in the work, or handing it off to someone else you probably won't get very far.

A digital footprint on the internet doesn't last very long. Followers stop following if you have poor marketing. An the likes get less an less if you don’t have a sense of humor. An it really doesn’t work if your marketing to the wrong audience for your business. Or not being authentic. Fake doesn’t fly so well. An things disappear.

Things I worked on 21 years ago, can't be found. Poof gone. Just like in real life, it's hard to get your name out there, let alone remembered. Everyone remembers Nike, but few know the founders full name. Few, remember my dad's: Let alone knew him. Even fewer my Papa's who gave him, then me the last name to begin with. I don't sit around an think up ways to shame it. An I'm pretty sure the people that have the exact same name as me could care less what I’m doing. I really don’t pay them that much attention, nor them me.

My goal, an I'm sure theirs is for it to be found & remembered. We all just kinda go at it differently. For different reasons. They are doing themselves, not me. An I dont sit around telling them they can’t use their own name. It’s just a concedence we have the same name anyway. It’s what each of us chooses to make of our own identies that matters anway.

It's human nature to want people to remember your name while you are alive, an gone. But it's even bigger deal to an artist. Sometimes our name is what sells a piece of art.

We brand it.

Cause we all want to be like Dali. Not only great at the art we do but successful.

So I don't really get in a huff over someone having the same name as mine. Or last name. My name's my name. I can do whatever I want with it. They can do whatever they want with theirs. So no amount of bullying is probably going to stop any one of us from using our names. An if you are, you probably need to rethinking what your doing. People have a right to be who they are. Those 3-4 people with the same name as mine: I don't have any right to go stepping on their toes, any more then they do mine. An wonder why anyone would.

Don't like astrology, don't read her site.
Don't like his book, don't buy another one.
Don't like my art don't buy it, use it or unsubscribe.

Get over the fact I intend to leave a BIG footprint when I leave this world. I wish some would stop asking me or trying to get me to stop being who I really am just because they have a expensive phones. I'm an artist, an it's usually a goal of most artist to leave a footprint before they leave this world. No matter what their gene. I’m not stepping on your little corner of the world. Nor have I. I'm not gonna disappear, just because the bully finally showed up to my world. It's not my fault you didn't get it. You could have had a big asset on your side.

I've had a lot of time to work on building my brand. MY NAME.
An it's what happens with artist. We need our names recognized.

An most don’t care who the other Haynes are if they are looking for a specific one.

Believe it or not I'm doing exactly what I should be. Managing, writing, drawing, painting, photography, programming, branding, media, promotion, sales & the internet. An others serious about it should give Gary Vee a listen. They aren't just “good idea's” They are the right ones to compete into today's market. I'll help brand him cause he knows what he's talking about. An he's gone through the old schoolers call him crazy too.

So what's in a name anyway? Plenty.

It seems okay for some to drag yours through the mud but god forbid you speak up when they do.

Me dad use to say your word –name-- should be is as good as gold.

Mine will be if God gives me enough time on this earth to do all the work I want to do. An that isn't taking away from my father, or my grandfather. An I don't go around asking those that have the same name as mine to shine less so I feel better about myself. If I want people to remember me, I have to work. My name isn’t going to be remembered because of my uncles, fathers, mothers or some stranger I don't know. Mine. This name is the one I was given by my father that most people know me by: I'm sticking with it lol

I've got too much work invested in being me.
I don't have time to be someone else.

Dana Renee Haynes

Part of surviving abuse, is speaking up. I'm not here to relive the past but it is part of my story. My life. An it's something I had to live with. I don't think I had it the worst. I know others that did live with much worse happening to them. An I really don't dwell on it. Physical abuse is much easier to get over then mental or emotional abuse & manipulation. An the years following turning my parents in for the physical abuse where the worst for me because of those things. I was guilted A LOT!

Art became a get away.

A way to escape “reality” in my head. It gave me mentally something else to focus on that was a lot more positive. It got me through some very hard times. Always has because there is something therapeutic about putting “feelings” into a painting, drawing or poem: whatever your release val: music. It's a way to “get it out of you”. An a lot more productive then self destruction. An it might be where the cliché of “tourtured artist” comes form. Some of my art is a bi-product of bad experiences. An it's why I have a hard time talking about them sometimes.

I don't want to say, “Well this piece came from a memory of a beating I endured for coloring the wall at age two. Or this one from being kicked across the kitchen floor an screamed at: I never wanted you. But part of being an artist is to convey a feeling depth. So you will pull from bad memories to create gold. Turn something bad, into something good. It's the same notion as trying to turn water into wine. You want something worthwhile to come out of all you've been put through: Not just be the target of meaningless none sense.

Art is a form of self therapy.

An it's a lot more productive then just drowning in sorrow. Which is only one emotion out of the whole human experience. So to me, good artist conveies the full spectrum. But arts personal, no matter how much an artist tries to depersonalize it so they can put it out there publicly. I personally didn't like abstract as an art form for many years, now I see it as telling a secret without giving away the secret. Because I really don't like talking about some of the things I've gone through. Sometimes you must.

Not to be mean. Or hurt someone. That's not really my intention: But sometimes you have to speak up.

Especially when it's happening to you again. An you have to keep speaking up til a bully stops or gets your not going to take it. I'm not being physically abused right now: but I have been ganged up on plenty emotionally, financially and mentally since my grandmother and my dad died. I resent it an that's all there is to it. I don't want to be around anyone who has tried to take advantage of me. I don't want to be subjected to being degraded behind closed doors again. Or talked about behind my back.

A normal response.

Because the only way I have found to deal with a bully: Is get it all out there in the open. They are a lot less likely to pull stunts on you if the whole world is watching.

Silence is what allows abuse to happen.

An I had good reason to be silent to a degree the last ten years; a business I inherited was at stake. I was caught in a catch 22. You want it to do well, so your silent about a lot of things. You let this or that slide, because your not willing to destroy something you helped build. An I'm not, but I'm not going to sit here an just take the same shit I took as a child either.

I'm a grown adult.

Who is an artist. Who does have to tell her story, background an about her life to sell art. It's part of it. If this makes some uncomfortable then maybe they should look at their own behavior over the years instead of trying to isolate me from the world like they did back in the day. Maybe they should stop trying to control me, or my life. Maybe just maybe, they shouldn't have tried to use my kids.

My daughter was verbally attacked on her birthday.

Called all kinds of things right in front of me basically for being a typical teenager. She's a good kid. Gets good grades. Involved in choir. Cross country. Works a job. Very busy with a lot of good things going on in her life. She left what should have been an enjoyable occasion, that was suppose to be all about her in tears.

Same kinda tears I cried as a teenager.

She was basically being bullied on. Dealing with depression from it. An while I've let a lot go since my father and grandmother passed: I'm not willing to have my kids done in the same fashion I was or have been.

The only way you can stop abuse: any kind – physical, mental or emotional: Is to speak up.

You have to remove yourself from their presence. I don't care how much you love them. Or if it tears your heart out to let them go. You have to stand up to it. I might have been willing to take a certain amount of shit to keep my fathers business going. I may have kept quiet about things of the past an let a lot of things happen to me that shouldn't have since my father and grandmother passed. I'm use to being a survivor of abuse an taking a certain amount of shit but I'm not willing to let my children get sucked into the vortex an go through things I have. An it's not okay for someone to use your children to get even with you.

Abusers and bullies hold grunges.

An you accept that to a degree as the family member that turned them in. You live with the being outcast in your own family mark. But what I've found is someone truly repentant of it happening to you doesn't treat you that way. Most in my family where glad I told. Glad to have it end. Happy to let it heal and want to move on from it. We grew from it. An those that have, I've embraced. But those that use those same old tactics of trying to guilt you, be raid you or destroy you will try to get away with it again. An you have to speak up. It's not okay to treat me this way. Or anyone else for that matter.

Cause if you don't, they will do it all over again. They may not lay hand on you but they will try to destroy your life. An will use whatever means possible. I understand more then anyone people want their privacy if they've been abused. They don't want it all out there. I understand it better then anyone because I don't like the memories of it, or having to relive it. But if you don't speak up, an keep speaking up an abusive person will use that very exact thing to try put you through all kinds of things again.

I've been put through enough.

I'm physically sick. I don't feel good an I'm tired. I shouldn't have to deal with this behavior. I haven't taken it off anybody since I was twelve an I am not going to bend over backwards to keep the peace to repair relationships better off broken. What part of I don't want to be around it, or it around my children do some people not get. I've pretty much given up just about everything rightfully mine just so I couldn't be done that way an keep being exposed to it.

I would chew my own arm off to get away from that type of person or behavior. What part of that, hasn't sunk in over the past forty or so years for some I will never get. I'm not saying all this to hurt someone, or violate anyone's privacy. It's the only way I know that works:

Stand up, be vocal about it an a nicely as you can tell them it's not okay. Stay away from me if your going to continue to behave in that way.

It's the only way to free yourself from a bully.

An it's not okay to use other family members to justify what your doing.

If they can't understand by now your being picked on and at by someone from ever angle then you have to stay clear of them to. This is why abuse survivors go through depressions. Cause I'm not by nature a depressed person. I'm normally pretty happy to live my own life. My depressions stem from the exact same root they always have:
When I'm getting done that way an still trying to get along with an unreasonable person.

You try because you still love them an other family members: but if they are using that against you. Then you do have to cut out all contact with anyone not supportive of you. An this might mean they get their way isolating you from other family but you probably better off. You'll be a lot less depressed that's for sure cause your not exposed to it any longer.
One of my abusers, didn't like what I wrote the other day. Which I thought was actually pretty good.
I had to deal with several phone calls from other family members to take it down. I hurt that persons feelings. An I was being guilted into removing it. I won't.

It's the truth, an how I feel about it.

An that person didn't give a shit about my feelings when all of it was happening to me when i was little and defenseless. An you have to remind yourself, they don't care. They didn't care about your feelings back then, an they don't right now. That doesn't change. An they will use any means possible to try to suck you back in and control you. Cause that is what abusive people do. They try to control you an if they can't: They will try to destroy you. Your reputation, your character, financially, what ever means they can. Whatever you give them access to. They will try to isolate you as much as they can to do it.

Your only defense is to speak up: An say enough. Get out of my life.

I had to deal with my son, who got the phone call coming up here to my home an telling me “He couldn't wait until I was dead”

If I don't remove that, Ill make sure no one in this family talks to you. It came right out of my mothers mouth six months earlier if I didn't “do what she said”. It is the same damn tacit that was used on me when I was eighteen, trying to guilt me into coming back home.

If you don't do what I say, “I'll make sure you don't see your sisters.” I'll make sure none of us talk to you.

And it did damage a relationship with a sister. She thinks I'm the devil incarnated. She's quite a bit younger she doesn't get it. Hands weren't laid on her, thanks to me. But trying to use my own children agaist me is exactly why my father left. It’s why I’m not around anymore then I have to be. I’m being threatened with: You wont see your grandchild. Not by my daughter, but that person.

Trying to isolate someone is straight out of the an abuser handbook. I swear it. An your only recourse is to let them. It's the best thing for you, not to be around anyone who witnesses it an does nothing anyway. Because then they can only pull stunts out in the public: Where others are going to see it. Witness it. An they will usually go crawl back into the hole they came out of.

An your life can go on in peace.

An if this makes me an “asshole” so be it. Right up there with my father: Cause your not going to get away with it. I shouldn't have had to spend a year in counciling again cause of this bullshit.

I'm not afraid to defend myself. Or take losses to be done with something or someone.

I tried: An that's all anyone can do. An I will speak my truth. An I will talk about my life an if you don't like it: Don't give me any new material.

If my children don't understand it: Good! I'm glad they don't. It means I never put them through that kinda of shit. I'm doing this so those who don't understand it do. They will.

If others are kinda, where the hell is this coming from?

Well, from years of being re-subjected to the same kind of shit behind the scenes. My mother calls me a shit stirrer. But truth is, I couldn't stir any shit, if there wasn't shit to stir. So knock it off. I'm killing about four birds with one stone. I have to write about my art, myself as an artist, leave something so my kids so they understand their mother, an what she went through and hopefully help other survivors of abuse get past it themselves. An if I have to, an only if I have to will I get into the nitty gritty details of it. I do apologize to those that prefer their privacy if this steps on any of their toes.
The book I want to work on is about healing from it. Getting past being just a survivor.An for the ones who had the guts to confront it. I’d like to be like Joyce Myers about it: Fact I was abused. An not go into details. But maybe my kids need to hear some of them so they get. Just because I made it look easy to get over it: It wasn’t. It was horrific.

An be thankful you ain’t ever had to deal with something like that.

Sometimes, you have to re break an arm for it to heal properly. So it will grow straight. Healthy an beyond what happened to it. Sometimes you have to cut a cancer growth out of yourself. It might be painful in the process but you life gets to go on. I expected this to end when I was thirteen. It didn't. I had to wait until I was eighteen to get out. An I never expected to have to go through this again. An for the most part I haven't most of my life because I had other supportive family members, friends and people in my life. I'm not going to keep reliving out the orphan role because my mother was.
I'm sorry. I'm just not.

I have a right to get on with my life: my grandmother and fathers deaths shouldn't have been used as an excuse to try to suck me back into something I left a long time ago. I'm angry about that. I resent it. If other family members want to be around it: That's their choice. I don't. If they want to believe I'm the bad guy or think it. Or I'm crazy: So be it. Time tells all. But deep down, people know I've walked 20 miles out of my way to avoid a confrontation. That is what survivors do. An that's how they thrive.

They leave it all behind, they start over as many times as they have to until that toxic shit is out of t heir lives once an for all. Your not running away from a problem. Your removing it from your life.

You can't build on a cracked foundation.

Your better off taking what lessons you learned and starting off completely over from scratch. Get what good out of it you can, turn it into a great piece of art. A book. Business, whatever your thing is. Or just being plain old being happy & content.

It's a amazing all the goodness that will come into your life after you let go.

Because I have to tell ya, most days I am pretty at peace, content an happy. As long as I don't allow that back into my life.
So stand up, speak up an don't let anyone get the better of you. It was their problem to begin with. Don't let it be yours.
Don't give your own power away. Your life isn't meaningless.

Find a hobby. Go back to school. Work on your career. Go to support groups if you need to. They are out there. Tell your story. Repeat it as many times as you need to. Tell others if you have to. Get counciling if your dealing with depression from it. Stay away from those that try to manipulate you back into the same old situation. Or try to guilt you. Set boundaries. Stick to them. Find a family member you can trust. Or a friend. Get an advocate to run interference. Work on you. Don't worry or focus on them. Be selfish.

It's okay.

They where. An there is nothing wrong with you taking care of you. You can't be there for anyone else if you don't.
Figure out the issues you’ve inherited and just what to do with them to improve your life instead of you just repeating the abuse cycle. Try not to identify with your attacker. You may spend a lot of time trying to understand why anyone would be like that in the first place. You might even feel sorry for them because they where victims themselves. It might heal it some to understand but stay clear of anyone trying to pull you into that cycle again. Do some art. Listen to some music. Make some music. Go for a run. Do some yoga. Exercise. Do something at least once a day that is good for your well being. Once a day, 365 times a year adds up.

Create something out of it's ashes.

Eventually you will over come any obstacle a bully might try to put in your path. It won't even matter to you what the bully is doing. It will only matter to the bully they can't suck you back in. Stir clear of the traps set by them. Do your own thing. Nothing burns their ass more anyway. You will make progress. You'll be all the stronger.

Rinse and Repeat.

You can an will get somewhere in life. Refuse to be pulled under. An if some people stop talking to you. It's okay. They probably weren't that important of a factor if your life anyway. They didn't know what was going on or has gone on. If they are important to you tell them. Listen I can't be around this person. Please respect that. I have my reasons an try to leave it at that. Because a lot of people aren't going to get they are being used to get to you anyway. Eventually people get: It's not you anyway.

Ignore it as much as you possibly can.

Focus back on your life. Rinse and Repeat. Rinse and Repeat. Rinse and Repeat. Cleaning up your life.