Support. Help. Charity.

Help. Charity. Supporting another an what do those things truly mean? I'm thinking about my grandmother a lot this year an various others that have truly helped me in my life time. My grandmother was big on helping people. She musta had a lot of Virgo in her or something. I'm not exactly ready to write about her. She was a big part of my life, so she's going to come up. She helped me a lot, but I helped her.

When she passed I walked into the bar to my dads girlfriend saying to him, well I'm there for you. With him just looking at me with tears in his eyes: She don't get it.

Was all he'd say. Hoping I could explain it to her. Thing is, I'm not sure I can either without writing a full book just on her, an the topics of help, charity and supporting someone. Many think it was the finical back up an support that is missed about her. While that was nice to know you had someone in your corner if you really need it. That wasn't it. It was the emotional support. The girlfriend was kinda well what am I dog shit? An me & my dad kinda laughed. Well, no of course you aren't. She was just different. An it's hard to explain. The woman had a way of being supportive of you even if she wanted to kick your ass. It's the best way I can put it I think. She was emotionally there for you. Even if she didn't believe in your dream or agree with you on something. She might have wanted to rip her hair out or eyeballs at times but she'd work though it with ya. You never really had to question if she'd be there for ya. She was a rock. You could be all over the place emotionally about something, an she'd get ya though it. She had great listening skills.



Help. Charity. Supporting another an what do those things truly mean? I'm thinking about my grandmother a lot this year an various others that have truly helped me in my life time. My grandmother was big on helping people. She musta had a lot of Virgo in her or something. I'm not exactly ready to write about her. She was a big part of my life, so she's going to come up. She helped me a lot, but I helped her.

When she passed I walked into the bar to my dads girlfriend saying to him, well I'm there for you. With him just looking at me with tears in his eyes: She don't get it.

Was all he'd say. Hoping I could explain it to her. Thing is, I'm not sure I can either without writing a full book just on her, an the topics of help, charity and supporting someone. Many think it was the finical back up an support that is missed about her. While that was nice to know you had someone in your corner if you really need it. That wasn't it. It was the emotional support. The girlfriend was kinda well what am I dog shit? An me & my dad kinda laughed. Well, no of course you aren't. She was just different. An it's hard to explain. The woman had a way of being supportive of you even if she wanted to kick your ass. It's the best way I can put it I think. She was emotionally there for you. Even if she didn't believe in your dream or agree with you on something. She might have wanted to rip her hair out or eyeballs at times but she'd work though it with ya. You never really had to question if she'd be there for ya. She was a rock. You could be all over the place emotionally about something, an she'd get ya though it. She had great listening skills.

An sometimes that's all a person needs: is a sounding board. For the most part you could talk to her about anything. Now, I'm pretty sure she'd put the phone down on the counter an let you ramble at times, or do something else while you went on but she listened. Even if she didn't like a damn thing you where saying. An not a lot of people have that ability: To listen. She'd listen, then usually offer up some sound advice. She had the ability to make someone feel heard. She was really good with children because of it. She was just there for you. I really don't know how else to put it. She was not just there for you with words, but with actions. Her deeds an words matched. You knew you could count on her. Where with others it's questionable. They maybe, they may not.

An everyone needs someone like that in their life. Dependable.

Support isn't always about financial. There is mental & emotional support. An the later is invaluable. Having someone you can truly communicate with all through out your life is a rare find. She is one of the few people I can say was supportive. She was well rounded. She didn't take your shit personally either. If it was your hang up, she knew it an didn't beat ya over the head for having it. She was accepting of who a person was. Even if she didn't like it. She would accept you for who you where an try to help you be the best person you could be. For the most part her support was invaluable. Priceless. It had nothing to do with money. Someone can throw all the money in the world at ya an it not be enough.

But to have someone help you get at the root of why you do whatcha doing, help you be the best version of yourself you cam be an just listen is sometimes all ya need. She was a problem solver. Someone you could bounce things off of. An I guess I learned I needed that kinda of support way more then money. Someone I could communicate with. Someone that could stimulate your brain.

So these are the types of people I've looked for.

The internet was perfect for me:

I could have these types of conversations an interact with others that where more cerebral. Not just nerds per say, but people who I could just have a decent conversation with or tell my problems to. An them me. Social sites use to be set up perfectly for this. I didn't hang out in sex rooms or very places where real conversations weren't happening. I'd hang out in mommy rooms, talk to girlfriends an was around spiritual rooms a lot. I got what I needed out of it: Mental & emotional support. Conversation. Inspiration. Ideas. Encouragement.

I didn't have people around me that where non-supportive.

It was easier to pursue creative outlets. I'd show something I did. They'd give me the merits of it. Good bad critiques etc. I had a support system that worked for me. Even if I didn't know these people in real life, they gave me much needed support to keep learning, growing, improving creatively. They supported my creative endeavors. Much like my grandmother would. They didn't always like everything I did, but I was still encouraged. I could be myself.

Encourage is the key word there.

That is what my grandmother gave all of us my dad was trying to articulate. It means to instill confidence or hope to someone. To cheer, uplift, inspire, motivate, stimulate, promote: hearten. Reassure. Comfort. Pep up. Stir up. Fire up. Understand. Helpful. An it is really helpful to have someone like that in your life: Who goes: You can do it. Just set your mind to it. She said that a lot to me.

Since she's been gone it's been sorely missed.

An I've thought a lot about what support, help and charity really mean. Yes, it's nice to have someone back you up financially but it's that other kinda help people truly need. The kind that doesn't have a price tag attached to it. That is just priceless, given freely with no expectation of return one way or another. It's like having a life coach in your life without the fee. It didn't matter she knew little to nothing about the internet, digital arts or computers. She still was my backbone. An his. An that's what he was trying to convey. To her he was trying to say: You might give me a lot of what she does in way of support: but a backbone is a totally different concept. I can't explain to you how she did it. She just did. An she didn't get the credit she deserved because it's hard to even explain. That was all he was trying to say. I don't get my backbone from you. I get/got that from her. He was saying he lost his because she passed. Most of my life, I've made it point to seek people out that are like that. Supportive. They are like looking for a needle in a haystack. I had those types around me a lot on the internet up until the last few years. They weren't her, like he said but I still got the same kind of nurturing from them.

That's support to me.

Money and material support will come an go, but that kinda of support is so precious that its value cannot be determined. It backs you up in everything you do or want to be. It's worth more. It's intangible. An I know plenty, that really held grudges against grandma cause she was this way. What's the big deal about her anyway? She's just your mother, or your grandma. Your too close to her, ect. She has to much influence on you. Ect. Why? Because she gave something of herself to few others never learn to give. Or can even perceive. It's why so many in her family are successful, even if they don't get it themselves. She instilled a backbone. Confidence. The people I had around me online in social networks gave me a similar kind of support. I never had to fear putting any kind of artwork out there before. My network didn't attack me. It supported me but moving to Facebook was a drastic change for a lot of us.

Suddenly, people out there in real life where connecting An I have to tell you, it hasn't been the same for me since. Mixing internet friends an people in my “real” life was not good for me. My internet friends judged them, an they judged my internet friends. An I finally just got fed up with balancing the two an deleted everyone but my kids. I stopped putting out artwork on the internet. I stopped writing. I stopped a lot of things. I literally uprooted my ass an even went to work in another town just to get away from how non-supportive my “real life” network can be. I went an found me a totally different one at work, surrounding myself with people who where supportive of my creative endeavors.
Who where not associated with either network. Online or off. Very few people in my real life even knew where I was at. Or what I was doing.Suddenly, people out there in real life where connecting An I have to tell you, it hasn't been the same for me since. Mixing internet friends an people in my “real” life was not good for me. My internet friends judged them, an they judged my internet friends. An I finally just got fed up with balancing the two an deleted everyone but my kids. I stopped putting out artwork on the internet. I stopped writing. I stopped a lot of things. I literally uprooted my ass an even went to work in another town just to get away from how non-supportive my “real life” network can be. I went an found me a totally different one at work, surrounding myself with people who where supportive of my creative endeavors.

Who where not associated with either network. Online or off. Very few people in my real life even knew where I was at. Or what I was doing.

An I like it better that way because I don't get non supportive backlash. Or calls judging what I wrote screaming at me to “take it down”. All I would get before was: You might want to check that for typos. Or that was inspiring, or you might want to work on that idea a little more. Or this is how it could be better. Or have you thought about this? You know ENCOURAGEMENT. I didn't get ignored, rejected stalked or threatened. I got honest feedback. I love it. I hate it. Or in that newer network worst that would happen is: Can we do it over? I never got be rated for using my creativity. Or for working on it. An it's sad that one literally has to unplug from something they have been apart of from the very beginnings of because these supposed “real life people” can be so NON-Supportive. I had to go find me another customer base all together because of it. A totally different network: Start completely over from scratch in place where no one knew me or my name just because of it. Not because I was doing anything wrong. Some of these folks that supposedly where helping me: Don't help.An I like it better that way because I don't get non supportive backlash. Or calls judging what I wrote screaming at me to “take it down”. All I would get before was: You might want to check that for typos. Or that was inspiring, or you might want to work on that idea a little more. Or this is how it could be better. Or have you thought about this? You know ENCOURAGEMENT. I didn't get ignored, rejected stalked or threatened. I got honest feedback. I love it. I hate it. Or in that newer network worst that would happen is: Can we do it over? I never got be rated for using my creativity. Or for working on it. An it's sad that one literally has to unplug from something they have been apart of from the very beginnings of because these supposed “real life people” can be so NON-Supportive. I had to go find me another customer base all together because of it. A totally different network: Start completely over from scratch in place where no one knew me or my name just because of it. Not because I was doing anything wrong. Some of these folks that supposedly where helping me: Don't help.

An what's that mean anyway? To help. The dictionary defines it to assist. To give aid. To serve. Make it easier for (someone) to do something by offering one's services or resources. Strangers have helped me more over the years then most of the people in my real life: People that are supposedly close to me. There's usually a no strings kinda of attachment to help. Nothing in it for them either way. That's why my grandmothers help was always helpful. She didn't really get anything out of it other then knowing she was there for someone. The perfect example of help, that I can come up with is this one time I had forgotten to renew my drivers license. A guy I barely knew offered to take me down to the drivers bureau to renew it. He didn't ask for money, or bang over my head he was helping me: He just offered me the ride he knew I needed an was important to my well being and did it. He didn't even need a thank you, but I was thankful an thanked him. It was that simple. I wound up in the same situation few years later, cause I'm a space cadet. It's something I space off.

Anyway, I didn't have other people around me to ask for a favor to do something so minor. I had to ask those “close” to me to take me an it was nothing but this big over blown deal. Guess what? Those “real life” people didn't help. For one reason or another it took over a month for me to get down to renew the thing because they kept saying they would help or where helping. An it was my son, that finally got fed up with all of it that took me. He had to skip school to do it but he helped. An there was a weight on me added to it for needing the “help”. He shouldn't have had to miss his morning classes but no one else “close to us” was going to do it. An it was important. These people would go on an on about how they where “helping me”. An I should be grateful. An this, an that an then you are kinda like: An they wonder why I'm not grateful. Any kind of “help” you get from them is nothing but a emotional pain in the ass. They treat you like their charity case. I don't really know anyone that likes that kind of “help”. Or responds well to that. The man that helped me first time I forgot really gave charity. He asked for nothing in return. An I was grateful for it. The others aren't helpful. They spend too much time going on about what they are doing for you to be helpful. Making someone feel like shit, or less then they are is NOT HELPFUL. I've never known my grandmother to be that way. She never pounded over my head, I'm helping you. She didn't need to. Anymore then that stranger did. An for these kind of people you are grateful.

They inspire you.


In some ways I was my grandmothers charity case: but she was charitable in an emotional way. People think she gave me more financially then she ever really did. She helped me in other ways more then anything. She helped me raise my kids for one. I paid her back financially more then I ever borrowed from her for this exact reason. Her major resource wasn't money, but the investing of time in someone. She didn't treat me like her personal project either. When she gave of her resources be it time, money or what knot it was because she wanted to. An I find it much easier to go get “help” from someone who wants to then someone who doesn't. An the truth is, I've never needed tons of help anyway. I tend to do like she did an help others without making a big deal out of it. I see no reason to toot my own horn about it.

Someone “close” to me said: that's your problem an you always get screwed because of it.

Not really. The resources I might give another are never more then I can afford to give or loose to begin with normally. They are usually intangible. Things you can't really repay even if you wanted to. That's the kind of help I found helpful. Anyone really not interested in helping themselves usually miss the point of mine or her's existence anyway. A resources isn't always material. Or financial. There are other kind of assets to have in this world, you can't put a price tag on: Like a network of people around you who won't or doesn’t sabotage your life. I've done a lot of Charity work in my life, that never involved me spending a dime. Or loosing one. Giving relief to someone in need is Charity. It's philanthropy, humanitarianism, humanity, altruism, public-spiritedness, social conscience, benevolence, beneficence, munificence. It doesn't always involve financial assistance, aid, welfare, relief, financial relief; handouts, gifts, and presents. It can, but it's the spirit in which it is given that makes it true charity or not.

There is a difference between it an someone giving you a loan. Or exchanging resources with you.

True charity expects nothing in return except the knowledge you did something good. It's given in the right spirit. That is it's own reward. It's the desire to promote the welfare of others. It's not just the quality of meaning well, but of kindness doing so. There are plenty of people around who will do things for you meaning well, but they are not always kind going about doing it. Some are just down right cruel when they “help” others.

No, charity is something else:

It's kindheartedness, big-heartedness, goodness,and goodwill towards the ones your doing it for. Not pity or sympathy but empathy. Sensitivity. Warmth. Tenderness. Tolerance & Mercy.

It holds only compassion.

These are the things my grandmother was good at. She was a enabler in the best sort of ways. An the kind of people I prefer to be around.

Truly Supportive.